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Blogger Coerces Bud and Miller to Finally Unveil Ingredients

Blogger Coerces Bud and Miller to Finally Unveil Ingredients

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Bud and Busch have unveiled what's in their bottles. Will Hari's campaign convince more beer companies to jump on board?

Have you ever wondered what’s in your beer besides malt, hops, and barley? Even though most packaged food and drink products provide extensive ingredient lists on their packaging, blogger Vani Hari, also known as the “Food Babe, noticed that most beer companies were surprisingly silent on the nutrition facts front. That’s when she decided to start an online petition which gathered over 44,000 signatures, and got the attention of Anheuser-Busch, who then promised to start listing ingredients for their top brands, including Budweiser and Beck’s. MillerCoors has also started posting the ingredients in their products.

“When I discovered that beer labels had basically no information about the ingredients, I was stunned,” Hari told The Daily Meal. “People all over the world have been blindly drinking beer for years. It was the one thing in my fridge I knew nothing about, so I started to research. I thought asking the two largest manufacturers (Anheuser-Busch and MillerCoors) in the United States could lead to eventual transparency within the entire industry.”

If you’re looking for surprise ingredients in these popular beers, you will be disappointed. MillersCoors listed the ingredients for most of its beers on its Facebook page as “water, barley malt, corn, yeast and hops,” while Budweiser has said that the primary ingredients in its beers are “water, barley malt, rice, yeast and hops.”

If you’re not familiar with Food Babe, she’s also the blogger who pushed Subway to remove the “yoga mat" material from its breads.

For the latest happenings in the food and drink world, visit our Food News page.

Joanna Fantozzi is an Associate Editor with The Daily Meal. Follow her on Twitter @JoannaFantozzi

7 Facts About The Little Yet Nutritious Purple Garlic

Co-incident or what, food items with the word purple are of premium quality than its counterparts.

Like purple tea, purple cabbage, purple carrot, and the list go on.

The common feature of all these purple produce is that they are rich in anthocyanin: a powerful anti-oxidant that boosts the immunity, prevents cancer, etc

Shouldn’t we unveil one more purple foodstuff that’s pretty common in our kitchen?

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Anheuser-Busch alleges its secret beer recipes were stolen

(CBS NEWS) – Anheuser-Busch, the brewer of Budweiser, Michelob and Busch beers, is suing rival company MillerCoors, alleging in federal court this week that an Anheuser-Busch employee had leaked product recipe information.

Court documents filed Thursday include descriptions of a text message exchange earlier this year between an Anheuser-Busch worker and a MillerCoors employee who had formerly worked for Anheuser-Busch and was seeking recipe information for Busch Light and Bud Light.

“How much enzyme u adding to Bud Light?” the MillerCoors employee allegedly texted the Anheuser-Busch employee.

Anheuser-Busch officials said the company launched an internal investigation and found that the company’s employee had shared information about the company’s beer ingredients, the court documents state. The employee also shared specifics about the brewing process, the layout of a brewery control room and Anheuser-Busch marketing plans, the documents state.

Anheuser-Busch employees overseeing the brewing process sign a confidentiality agreement that includes a promise not to share ingredients even after a person has left the company, the company’s lawsuit says. The MillerCoors worker knew the Anheuser-Busch employee was sharing recipe details even though the person allegedly was under the agreement, Anheuser-Busch claims.

Anheuser-Busch officials say they’re trying to determine how widely their recipe has been shared.

“We filed in federal court claims alleging that MillerCoors violated state and federal law by misappropriating our trade secrets, including our beer recipes,” Anheuser Busch said in a statement. “We will enforce our right to uncover how high up this may reach in the MillerCoors organization. We take our trade secrets seriously and will protect them to the fullest extent of the law.”

A scene from Anheuser-Busch’s Bud Light 2019 Super Bowl television ad that poked fun of rivals like Miller and Coors for using corn syrup in their beers.

In response, MillerCoors said Anheuser-Busch’s ingredients aren’t as secret as the company contends. The ingredients for Bud Light, for example, are accessible for anyone who buys a can, one official said.

“MillerCoors respects confidential information and takes any contrary allegations seriously, but if the ingredients are a secret, why did they spend tens of millions of dollars telling the entire world what’s in Bud Light, and why are the ingredients printed on Bud Light’s packaging in giant letters?” MillerCoors spokesman Adam Collins said in a statement.

The base ingredients for beer are a combination of yeast, water, hops and barley grains. Hops — both the kind and the amounts used — give each beer its distinct flavor, while grain gives a brew its color, aroma and part of its flavor.

Anheuser-Busch’s suit is the latest chapter in an ongoing legal fight between two of America’s most recognized brewing companies. The battle began in February when a Super Bowl ad for Bud Light accused Miller Lite of being brewed with corn syrup. MillerCoors responded with a full-page New York Times ad that playfully read, in part, “It’s unfortunate that our competitor’s Big Game ad created an unnecessary corntroversy.”

“However, we thank them for starting this conversation on such a big stage because it allows us to clarify the truth,” the newspaper ad stated.

MillerCoors went on to explain that the corn syrup is used in fermentation, which is a common practice among brewers both large and small.

“To be clear, corn syrup is a normal part of the brewing process and does not even end up in your great tasting can of Miller Lite,” the ad read.

A Wisconsin judge in March barred Anheuser-Busch from running ads that suggest Miller Lite and Coors Lite contain corn syrup. The judge then denied Anheuser-Busch’s motion to dismiss the case entirely.

Finally, last month, a federal judge told Anheuser-Busch to remove the words “No Corn Syrup” from its labeling.

“Anheuser Busch has lost three major federal rulings in this case and now they are simply trying to distract from the basic fact that they intentionally misled American consumers,” Collins, the MillerCoors spokesman, said in his statement. “As for their tired claims about corn syrup, the same residual elements they are talking about are also found in Bud Light and Michelob Ultra. If this is their argument, it’s no wonder they have lost three rulings in this case already.”

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SeasonEpisodesOriginally aired
First airedLast aired
121July 31, 2015 ( 2015-07-31 ) May 20, 2016 ( 2016-05-20 )
221August 23, 2016 ( 2016-08-23 ) May 24, 2017 ( 2017-05-24 )
316June 18, 2018 ( 2018-06-18 ) September 21, 2018 ( 2018-09-21 )
430June 20, 2019 ( 2019-06-20 ) July 24, 2020 ( 2020-07-24 )
5TBAJanuary 15, 2021 ( 2021-01-15 ) TBA

Season 1 (2015–16) Edit

Emma, Ravi, and Zuri Ross leave the loud and noisy streets of New York to visit Camp Kikiwaka, which is the same camp where their parents met. While Ravi and Zuri meet Jorge and Tiffany, Emma befriends Lou and develops an interest in Xander while competing against Hazel. Due to Hazel's trick where Emma and Zuri end up in the woods, Xander drags Lou, Ravi, Jorge, Tiffany, and Hazel to get to them while being stalked by the Kikiwaka.

Guest stars: Mary Scheer as Gladys, Tessa Netting as Hazel

Xander finally asks Emma on a date. Due to Ravi's misinterpreted encounters overhearing Lou and Xander's conversation about the date to a murder plot, Emma becomes weary of Xander's motives. Meanwhile, Zuri and Jorge begin an underground candy business after Gladys banned it due to being stood up by the candy delivery man Serge. Unfortunately, Tiffany ends up getting hooked on candy.

Following the black market candy sales and the Woodchuck Cabin almost catching on fire, Gladys reinstates the laws established by Camp Kikiwaka's founder Jedediah Swearengen. She assigns the counselors-in-training to give out demerits to anyone committing illegal actions where three demerits will get that camper punished. Emma and Zuri have been arguing lately with an issue with the bathroom nearly causing the Woodchuck Cabin to burn to the ground. Due to Lou's canoe therapy going wrong, Emma and Zuri get trapped out on the lake and start to drift toward the rapids causing Lou and Xander to go rescue them only for them to be needing rescue. Meanwhile, Ravi keeps busting Jorge for his lawbreaking which leads to Jorge stealing the original rules and both of them getting into trouble with Gladys.

Guest star: Mary Scheer as Gladys

It is "spirit week" at Camp Kikiwaka and Emma is chosen to be the spirit stick guardian but Emma soon loses the stick due to her giving it to Xander as a gift. This results the whole camp being cursed with bad luck and Zuri having a case of zits on her face. Everyone must race against time to find the stick and fix everything. Elsewhere, in order to become a full CIT, Ravi must learn how to pass his swim test, so he enlists Jorge and Tiffany to help him.

Emma and Xander team up for a fishing competition, but end up finding out that they have nothing in common, and end up becoming just friends.. Meanwhile, Gladys chases the chef Murphy and is very desperate while Lou and Ravi try to find a large fish. Zuri and Tiffany get caught cheating by stuffing a fake fish, losing their title at the contest and getting disqualified. Lou realizes that the search is more important than the result, and lets the large fish go.

Guest stars: Mary Scheer as Gladys, Casey Campbell as Murphy

All of the campers are forced to hand in their phones, but Zuri swaps her phone with a rock and keeps it so that she can order some deli food. In search for a signal, she and Emma trick Ravi and Tiffany into building a router, saying that Gladys wanted a secret art project to commence. They lie when asked about it, and when Lou finds out, she is very hurt and stops talking to Emma. Meanwhile, Grizzly Cabin is entrusted with designing the camp totem pole, and Xander gets very controlling, which upsets Jorge and causes him to quit. Later, Xander and Jorge reconcile and Jorge gets to use his design for the pole. Then Emma and Lou also reconcile when Emma destroys the pole, among other things.

Emma tries to convince Lou to become friends with Hazel but they get more than they bargained for when Hazel wears out their friendship. When Hazel finds out that Emma and Lou were bribing her friendship with camp luxuries, she seeks revenge. Meanwhile, Zuri becomes inspired when the host of her favorite TV show For Realzzz Dr. Hunter Brody unexpectedly shows up at Camp Kikiwaka so she follows him on a quest to seek the Kikiwaka. Ravi and Tiffany uncover the Kikiwaka first and witnessed it going into the camp.

Guest stars: Tessa Netting as Hazel, Myko Olivier as Dr. Hunter Brody

The Camp Kikiwaka Festival occurs as Emma, Lou, and Hazel compete in their sales to become the Kikiwaka Queen since Xander is dressed as the Camp Kikiwaka mascot and is also the Kikiwaka King. Xander wants Emma and Lou to outsell Hazel to evade dancing with her at the end of the festival. Meanwhile, Ravi and Tiffany try to gain proof of the Kikiwaka's existence following their close encounter with the Kikiwaka. At the same time, Zuri cuts a deal with Gladys to use the students to make Kikiwaka dolls in exchange that she uses Gladys' shower.

After getting lost due to Xander's poor sense of direction, Zuri, Xander, Tiffany, and Jorge discover a cabin up in the mountains. They meet an old man and ask for directions he gives them directions, but in a rude manner as he doesn't appear to like children and wants them to go away. As they're leaving, Jorge rushes back in because he really has to use the bathroom. When he takes a wrong turn on the way back out, he discovers that the old man is Santa. Meanwhile, Emma and Lou want to get each other nice gifts to show each other how much their friendship means, but after listening to bad advice from Ravi, they both try to get each other something other than what they were originally going to get. Emma tries to capture a woodchuck while Lou puts on an embarrassing show for Emma. Meanwhile, upon later returning, the old man denies Jorge's allegations that he's Santa, but later admits that he used to be Santa. He stopped being him because children nowadays can just get their toys or whatever they want online and he no longer felt special. Feeling bad, Zuri, Xander, Tiffany, and Jorge decorate his cabin, which Santa appreciates when he returns. Later, after discovering what happened, Emma and Lou discuss that it's the thought that counts, not the gift.

Lou and Xander are excited when they get to go to their first annual "Counselors' Night Off" at Camp Kikiwaka's The Spot and so is Emma but she soon finds out that she can't go because she is not a counselor so she is stuck at the camp helping Ravi babysit the younger campers. Emma is eager to find out about Xander and Hazel's fate on being a couple when Emma comes to a realization that she likes Xander and is ready to date him so he sneaks out to the spot to find out Xander's true feelings. Lou and Hazel make a bet to see if Emma or Hazel would be the better girl to date Xander and loser has to scrub fungus on of the campers' feet. When Xander finds out that he likes Emma, the two begin to date making Hazel lose the bet. Back at the camp, Ravi is having a hard time handing the campers while Emma is gone so he seeks help from Zuri.

Guest star: Tessa Netting as Hazel

Jorge feels homesick for his family as Xander and Ravi work to break his homesickness. After breaking the oven and microwave while on kitchen duty, the girls forage for food in the woods where Lou accidentally covers herself in Diablo Leaves which causes her to hallucinate. Gladys uses a website where she finds a possible love interest in a "Nigerian Prince" and prepares to meet him despite Lou's warnings about it being a scam.

Luke pays a visit to Camp Kikiwaka after finishing summer school. Meanwhile, campers from Camp Kikiwaka's rival Camp Champion led by Eric want to claim the "Spot" resulting in a turf war between the two camps.

Special guest star: Cameron Boyce as Luke

Guest stars: Tessa Netting as Hazel, Spencer List as Eric

During a camp safety exercise taught by Emma and Xander, Ravi unknowingly saves Tiffany from a fall and Tiffany develops a crush on him. To avoid hurting Tiffany's feelings, Ravi makes up a lie and says that he already has a girlfriend but the lie becomes too much for Ravi to handle. Meanhile, Zuri and Jorge sneak off to town to buy stuff from the general store so Emma and Xander try to get them back before Gladys notice their wheareabouts, but they encounter weird surprises along the way.

Jorge, Tiffany and Zuri suspect that a new camper is an alien when they see a UFO land in the lake and Zuri instantly develops a crush on him so she tries to prove to Jorge and Tiffany wrong. Emma and Ravi's friendship with Lou and Xander are tested when Emma and Ravi are given poor performances on their CIT evaulations.

Emma, Zuri and Lou decide to throw a surprise birthday party for Tiffany after learning that she has never had one. However, Zuri worries that Tiffany may not like her party because it is being planned by Emma and Lou, whose party ideas do not reflect Tiffany's interests. Emma and Lou set up the party in the forest, but they realize they have forgotten to invite any guests. Before Zuri can bring Tiffany to the party site, it is wrecked by a bear and a moose, forcing the children to flee back to the camp. At their cabin, Zuri has arranged for Tiffany's favorite quartet to play for her. Despite the failed party, Tiffany says she is happy that someone bothered to try throwing her a party. Meanwhile, Jorge hurts his ankle during a practice volleyball game with Ravi and Xander, and is sent to stay in the infirmary cabin. Ravi discovers that Jorge is faking his injury so he can enjoy the infirmary, which has air conditioning, television, and snacks. Ravi later decides to fake an injury so he can also enjoy the amenities. Xander visits the boys and says that the volleyball tournament will be cancelled because his team is short by one player. Ravi and Jorge reveal that they are okay, and the volleyball tournament goes on as planned, with Xander's team winning.

Emma, Zuri and Lou are sent by Gladys to go into town to pick up some bug spray for her. While at the store, Emma and Zuri meet a young carpenter named Noah, whom they set up with Lou. When they notice Lou is only doing woodworking for Noah on their dates, Emma and Zuri discover he is only using Lou after they hear him on his cell phone. Meanwhile, Xander plays a joke on Ravi and Jorge by misleading them about hidden treasure at the camp. Ravi and Jorge later turn the tables and Xander gets fooled about the treasure.

Ravi meets another camper named Sasha and needs Emma and Jorge's help to talk to her. They start dating, but Ravi quickly discovers he and Sasha have nothing in common. Despite this, he takes part in adventures, enduring many injuries in doing so. Their being completely opposite eventually results in their break-up. Meanwhile, Zuri and Tiffany find a Tawny eagle egg while bird-watching and try to tend to it, only for Lou to catch them. Instead of taking the egg to a wildlife officer as Lou directs them, Zuri and Tiffany take the egg back to its nest. Realizing how high they have climbed the tree the nest is in, they're afraid to go back down and are more so when the mother shows up. Lou catches them again, but the three witness a miracle as the egg hatches in the presence of its mother.

Special guest star: Kelly Washington as Sasha

A long time ago, Jedediah Swearengen's daughter Olga was in love with a man named Roland and her father disapproved of their romance. When Olga tried to run away to be with Roland, she was caught in a storm and perished. It is said in the Camp Kikiwaka ghost stories that when it comes to a stormy night, the Ghost of Olga Swearengen would haunt the camp. When there is a sighting of the Ghost of Olga Swearengen, Emma, Zuri, Ravi, Lou, Xander, Jorge, Tiffany, and Hazel must survive the night.

Gladys announces that Camp Kikiwaka will not reopen next summer because of the low amount of camper applications. The children decide to make a live webcast to promote the camp to try to save it from closing. Lou believes that the webcast should focus on Camp Kikiwaka traditions she feels left out when Xander and Emma decide that it will focus instead on the sports played at the camp. Lou makes several failed suggestions for Xander and Emma to reconsider focusing on camp traditions instead. Meanwhile, Zuri plans to do stand-up comedy for the webcast, while Tiffany plans to play her violin, although they both disagree with each other's idea. Ravi directs the webcast, while Lou declines to participate in it. The webcast does not go as planned due to Gladys auctioning various items, which disrupts the children's attempt to promote the camp. Later, the video camera is inadvertently left on and records Lou reconciling with Emma and Xander. Tiffany admits to Zuri that she likes her stand-up comedy, and Zuri admits that playing the violin could help bring in new camp applicants. However, they both discover that they have missed the webcast. Gladys announces that Camp Kikiwaka will reopen next summer as it now has 300 new applicants, who enjoyed the friendship expressed by Emma, Lou and Xander during the unintended portion of the webcast.

Guest star: Mary Scheer as Gladys

When Xander starts receiving phone calls at camp, Emma is concerned that he may be cheating on her. It turns out Xander needs to leave camp early to begin football practice at his high school, and his father, Gerald, is picking him up to take him home. Lou and Ravi do some training with Xander before he reveals to them and Emma that football does not make him happy and that he is doing this only to please his father. Emma, Lou and Ravi devise a plan so Xander can stand up to his father, which fails. Emma then makes Gerald see that Xander does not like football, which leads Gerald and Xander to talk more about it and allows Xander to stay at camp. Meanwhile, Tiffany and Zuri are accusing each other of taking their stuff—Tiffany's violin and Zuri's tablet—but it is Gladys who confiscated them as they are not camp items. While the girls attempt to recover their stuff in Gladys' cabin, they see something really disturbing regarding Morgan and Christina, and Zuri coerces Gladys into giving back the confiscated items.

Guest stars: Mary Scheer as Gladys, Larry Poindexter as Gerald

Season 2 (2016–17) Edit

For their second summer at Camp Kikiwaka, Emma, Zuri, and Tiffany find that Hazel has transferred into Cabin Woodchuck due to latest campers in Cabin Weasel led by Lydia and has Lou reassigned to them where they give Lou a hard time. As a result, Hazel starts making things difficult for Emma, Zuri, and Tiffany causing them to find a way to get Hazel to go back to Cabin Weasel. Meanwhile, Ravi, Xander, and Jorge get a new cabin inhabitant named Griff who is attending as part of his juvenile hall's Nature Rehabilitation Program. When Xander's guitar goes missing, Xander and Ravi blame Griff and arrange for Camp Kikiwaka's Trial by Fire.

Special guest star: Kevin Chamberlin as Bertram

While working with Ravi in preparing for the Camp Kikiwaka Ball, Emma learns that there was more to Xander and Lou's long friendship when they used to date when they were young. She soon starts to feel jealous when she catches them in a situation where she thinks that they are falling in love again. Meanwhile, Zuri and Tiffany plan to ask Griff out to the dance. While talking about him, they are unaware they are being overheard by Jorge who thinks that they are planning to ask him out.

Emma, Lou, and Zuri are assigned to handle Camp Kikiwaka's farm where Lou gets displeased on how Emma and Zuri cleaned the farm. When a sheep named Sheila escapes, Emma and Zuri must get it back to camp before Lou finds out. Meanwhile, Ravi, Jorge, and Griff discover Gladys' secret sauna and end up getting trapped in it when strong winds knock the tree in front of its doors.

Guest star: Lincoln Melcher as Griff

Zuri has been jealous at the fact that counselors and CITs can do what they want at night. She is approached by Hazel and is given an opportunity to be a CIT at Cabin Weasel where Lydia and the other campers there give her a hard time. Meanwhile, Ravi is enlisted by Gladys to oversee the art auction at Camp Kikiwaka which all of Moose Rump, Maine will attend as Jorge and Griff plan to get out of painting by quoting that the colt Wildfire can paint upon being inspired by Ravi's claim of an Indian elephant once painting a picture.

Guest stars: Tessa Netting as Hazel, Lincoln Melcher as Griff, Lily Mae Silverstein as Lydia

Jorge wins a contest to meet horror writer Stephanie Queen and brings Zuri, Lou, and Tiffany along where they end up trapped in her "Riddle Room" causing them to find a way out before the deadline is up. Meanwhile, Xander gets caught up in an argument with Emma and Ravi when they argue over the birdhouse designs.

Luke returns at the time when Emma and Ravi are teaching Zuri and Griff about safety. To prove that he is responsible, he brings Zuri and Griff on a hiking expedition to a mountain that overlooks Camp Kikiwaka which doesn't go well. Meanwhile, Lou, Xander, and Hazel flashback to when they first met and how Hazel started to try to get Xander to like her.

Special guest star: Cameron Boyce as Luke Ross

Guest stars: Tessa Netting as Hazel, Lincoln Melcher as Griff, Taylor Autumn Bertman as Little Hazel, Emma Shannon as Little Lou, Mason Patrick Mahay as Little Xander

One night after watching a horror film, Jorge leaps out from behind a chair and frightens Zuri and Tiffany. The next day, Jorge, Tiffany and Zuri go into the forest to search for fire wood. Jorge flees after they spot a masked person in the forest. When Tiffany and Zuri do not return to the camp, the other children are convinced that the girls are pranking Jorge because he scared them the previous night. The children eventually decide to search for Tiffany and Zuri, but they gradually disappear too after they each encounter the masked individual. They learn that the masked person is Timmy, a boy who was removed from Camp Kikiwaka by Gladys. The children plan to scare Gladys as revenge for Timmy's removal. Lou, Xander and Timmy pose as masked killers while Zuri, Jorge, Emma, Tiffany and Ravi stage their own deaths, all of which scares Gladys enough to make her faint.

Zuri, Tiffany and Jorge discover an old treehouse and decide to fix it up and make it their own hangout. They allow Lydia to help out after she convinces them that she will not take over the treehouse when it is finished. When the repairs are complete, Lydia has the Weasel Cabin campers take over the treehouse to use as their own hangout. Zuri, Tiffany, and Jorge trick the Weasels into believing that they have a new hangout at a nearby cave. While the Weasels leave the treehouse in search of the cave, Zuri, Tiffany and Jorge reclaim the treehouse. Lydia returns and the treehouse becomes unstable because of too much weight. After the three children escape unharmed, they rescue Lydia by having her jump onto a blanket they are holding. Meanwhile, Ravi and Xander trick Emma and Lou into believing that they are poor players at billiards. After losing, the boys challenge Emma and Lou to a rematch, with the losing team having to dress as chickens. Ravi and Xander unveil their true skills during the rematch, but still lose after Ravi messes up his final shot.

Emma becomes upset at Xander when she tells him how much he means to her and he merely replies "Thanks." Meanwhile, Zuri plans to have Xander star in a music video that she will then upload to her ChatSnap account to gain more followers. However, Xander is unable to focus on the video after he realizes Emma is upset at him, but he does not like discussing his feelings. Zuri locks them in a freezer until they can become happy again, although they manage to escape. Zuri realizes that the solution is to have Xander describe his feelings for Emma in a song. Xander sings his song as part of the music video, which Zuri then uploads to her account, while Emma forgives Xander. Meanwhile, Lou and Ravi secretly write letters to Griff to make him think that a girl from a neighboring camp likes him. Lou and Ravi intervene when Griff decides to steal a bicycle to give to the girl. Griff tells them that he was pranking them as he knew the letters were fake, having recognized Ravi's handwriting.

Guest star: Lincoln Melcher as Griff

Fog develops at Camp Kikiwaka, and Tiffany discovers that it contains domoic acid, a debilitating neurotoxin caused by the algae in the nearby lake. The fog affects several people in different ways: Emma develops memory problems, Ravi's personality is altered, Jorge believes he is a parrot, Zuri becomes extremely happy, and Murphy develops indecisiveness. It is then revealed to Lou and Xander that the domoic acid was a prank to scare them. However, the group learns from a radio broadcast that the fog contains a parasite, which subsequently infects Jorge and other campers, making them violent and dangerous. It is then revealed that these events were actually a campfire story being told by Jorge.

The camp is having a gift-making event in which the campers create toys for children who cannot afford them at Christmas time. The event is disrupted by Griff when he creates a miniature robot with a sawblade that destroys a stuffed animal and Lou's gingerbread house. Griff continues to misbehave, and Ravi and Lou make several attempts to learn why he is upset. Griff eventually reveals that Christmas reminds him of his time in juvenile detention, where visitation time was increased during Christmas time despite this, no one came to visit him. Although it is summer time, the children set up a Christmas tree and give Griff presents so he can have a good Christmas memory. Meanwhile, Emma makes a "found art" necklace for Xander that is made of miscellaneous items. Although Xander dislikes the necklace, Ravi convinces him to lie to Emma and say that he likes her gift, although he eventually tells her the truth, which she accepts. Meanwhile, Santa Claus has a non-flying reindeer named Harold. Santa travels to an animal sanctuary in Miami to find a home for Harold, and he leaves Tiffany, Zuri and Jorge in charge of watching the reindeer the children eventually teach Harold how to fly.

The children complain about Murphy's cooking, so he challenges them to prepare dinner for the entire camp to prove that they can make better food than him. The children accept Murphy's challenge, and Zuri decides to split the children into two competing teams and make a video about their competition, with the hope that the video will become viral. The teams consist of Ravi and Xander against Emma and Lou, while Zuri and Jorge host the competition. The teams are given low-quality ingredients, including moldy meat and hoofs, to prepare their meals. Ravi and Lou learn that their teammates cannot cook Xander and Emma instead decorate their team's side of the camp mess hall as part of the competition. Emma decorates her side of the hall to resemble a five-star restaurant, while Xander decorates his side like a barn. Lou feels that Xander's decorations go well with her barbecue meal, while Ravi believes that his Haute meal would go better with Emma's upscale theme. The teams change their members, with Xander and Lou against Emma and Ravi. Murphy and the campers declare that both teams' meals are bad, and the two teams realize that his job is not easy. Zuri is disappointed that her video does not become viral.

Guest star: Casey Campbell as Murphy

Christina Ross arrives at Camp Kikiwaka upon the yacht that she and Morgan own being in the area. Lou is pleased that her Camp Kikiwaka idol is here and starts hanging out with her. When this becomes a problem to Emma, she competes against Lou in a Camp Kikiwaka event with Gladys whom Christina barely remembers. Meanwhile, Ravi, Xander, Jorge, and Griff get stuck on a malfunctioning ski lift during their hiking trip.

While hiking, Zuri, Jorge and Tiffany discover a trail of mud that they want to play in, but Ravi forbids them. Later, Zuri, Jorge and Tiffany sneak back to the mud trail to play around in it, but they develop itchiness caused by poison oak that was in the mud. They attempt to hide their itchiness from Ravi, but eventually confess. Meanwhile, Lou is tired of dating non-masculine boys. She joins Emma and Xander on their date at an old lighthouse, where they meet Bronson, the great-grandson of the original lighthouse keeper. Bronson is viewed by Emma and Lou as manly, which makes Xander jealous. Lou and Bronson become attracted to each other. When the group discovers a ship heading toward rocks, the girls work to get the lighthouse working so they can warn the ship. Lou and Emma realize that Bronson is sexist after he tells them to let the males get the lighthouse operational. After saving the ship, Lou decides that she does not want to have a relationship with Bronson because of his old-fashioned views toward females.

When Lou hears that her pet dog has died, she plans to take a leave from Camp Kikiwaka to attend her dog's funeral. Emma, Zuri, and Xander keep Lou from leaving when they make her realize how much they need her. A puppy arrives at the Woodchuck Cabin and Lou takes it in as her new pet, which she names Chuck. Meanwhile, Hazel finds common ground with Ravi and Tiffany over a role-playing game.

Guest star: Tessa Netting as Hazel

The Woodchuck Cabin becomes upset when Chuck tears up their belongings and relieves himself in their cabin. Lou attempts to train Chuck, but she is unsuccessful. Lou and Chuck sleep outside the cabin one night after the other campers get mad at them, and Lou discovers the next morning that Chuck has run away. Lou and the other campers search for Chuck in the forest when they find him, they realize he is a wolf looking for his pack. Lou allows Chuck to continue roaming free in the wilderness where he belongs, but he later returns, so the Woodchuck Cabin builds him an outdoor doghouse so he can visit. Meanwhile, Jorge is upset that everyone else has a plaque for a record that they achieved. Jorge challenges Griff to a bean bag toss competition, but is upset when he discovers that Ravi asked Griff to let him win. Jorge plays against Griff fairly, but the game is tied. However, Jorge still receives a plaque.

Guest stars: Lincoln Melcher as Griff, Nate Stone as Timmy

Tiffany is worried when she discovers that her mother, Dr. Sharon Chen, is coming to visit to check on her progress, as she had told her mother that Camp Kikiwaka was a camp for geniuses. Emma, Lou, and Zuri work to make themselves seem smart to Dr. Chen in order to impress her. When Dr. Chen discovers the truth, she decides to take Tiffany out of Camp Kikiwaka. When the children help Dr. Chen realize how it feels to have fun, she decides to let Tiffany stay. Meanwhile, a skunk has been causing problems for Xander, Jorge, and Griff by constantly spraying them. It soon spreads to the other campers and Hazel is unable to obtain help from Moose Rump to help them deal with the skunk.

Guest stars: Tessa Netting as Hazel, Lincoln Melcher as Griff, Nina Millin as Dr. Sharon Chen

The three cabins compete against each other in an annual series of competitions. Lou convinces Emma to gain intelligence regarding the Grizzly Cabin's plans to win each competition, which will help the Woodchuck Cabin beat them. Emma agrees, but Xander – unaware of the Woodchuck Cabin's plot – convinces her to give him information on how to beat the Woodchucks, stating that she deserves a boyfriend who is a winner. Emma provides both teams with information about the other. Meanwhile, Ravi and Jorge compete against Tiffany and Zuri in a separate competition where they dress up as their cabin's mascot animal for bonus points. When Hazel discovers that Emma is cheating for both teams, she blackmails Emma by threatening to reveal the secret unless she provides information about the other teams, allowing the Weasel Cabin to win. During the final competition, a race between the three cabins, Emma confesses that she has been working for all three teams, all of which are disqualified. Gladys wins the prize of a canoe, as there are no other teams to accept it.

Lou has a dream that Emma is being chased in the woods and ends with her being attacked. Emma and Zuri have noted that some of Lou's earlier dreams have partially come true. Meanwhile, Griff states to Ravi, Xander, and Jorge that due to his juvenile hall being full, he will be placed in a family home. Complications arrive when a county worker named Mr. Gribbly arrives to bring Griff back to juvenile hall upon an inmate's escape leaving an opening available. Now Ravi, Xander, and Jorge must keep Mr. Gribbly from finding Griff.

Gladys has Lou and Xander oversee the test to see if Emma and Ravi are going to be worthy of being promoted to counselors. Even though Emma and Ravi have a hard time, they use their abilities when a sudden fire breaks out that burns Woodchuck Cabin and Grizzly Cabin. Meanwhile, Zuri, Jorge, Tiffany, and Griff go on a camp out near the graveyard where Jedidiah Swearinger is buried.

Ravi and Tiffany try to get campers to sign up for a wildlife hike, but only Jorge is interested. They become lost on their hike and reach the Canadian/U.S. border, which is overseen by two border guards: Marie Poutine on the Canadian side and Cosmo Dibble on the U.S. side. Dibble declines to let the children re-enter the United States without identification. The children learn that Poutine and Dibble used to be in a relationship, until she kept forgetting the various anniversary dates that he devised. The children help the border guards revive their relationship by having them agree to a single anniversary date. For helping their relationship, the children are allowed to re-enter the U.S. Meanwhile, Griff and Zuri begin a relationship, but Emma and Xander believe they are a bad influence for one another and attempt to keep them apart. When Zuri and Griff cannot be found, Xander, Emma and Lou search for them, believing that they went to a country music festival. After getting lost in the woods, Xander, Emma and Lou return to the camp and discover that Griff and Zuri never left. Xander and Emma decide to let the two be together. Later, Lou takes Griff and Zuri to the music festival. When their bus breaks down, Lou takes them on a shortcut through the woods, but they become lost and wind up at the Canadian border.

Season 3 (2018) Edit

Emma, Ravi, Zuri and Lou return to Camp Kikiwaka with a bus of campers, including Destiny, a frequent beauty pageant winner Matteo, a cautious boy who is easily scared and Finn, Lou's second cousin who does not care about personal hygiene. Emma, Ravi, Zuri and Lou are upset to learn that Gladys never had the cabins rebuilt following the fire. They learn that Gladys left Moose Rump after taking the insurance check as well as the summer deposits for each camper. Because it is late, the group spends the night at the camp, sleeping in tents. The next day, the group departs on the bus, but they accidentally leave Destiny, Matteo and Finn behind. The three children encounter a bear before the group returns and saves them by scaring the animal away. Emma, Ravi, Zuri and Lou are upset to leave the camp forever, until the Ross children convince their mother to purchase the camp for them so they can repair and improve it.

Emma, Ravi, Zuri and Lou are unprepared when Inspector Dinsmore, from the Department of Camp Services, arrives at Camp Kikiwaka for a surprise inspection. Dinsmore, a former camper who disliked spending summers at the camp, finds multiple safety violations and threatens to close the camp if she finds one more safety hazard. Meanwhile, the camp is preparing to hold an annual party in the mess hall that includes the campers giving speeches on what they like most about the camp. However, Finn decides not to give a speech because of a fear of public speaking. In the mess hall, Emma unknowingly applies expired frosting to a cake which is then served to the campers. When Ravi realizes the mistake, he and the others try to retrieve each piece of cake before consumption. Meanwhile, Matteo and Destiny stage a fake fight, hoping to get the speeches cancelled so Finn will not have to speak. As Dinsmore is about to eat a piece of the cake, Ravi rushes to retrieve it and knocks her over, after which she declares that the camp will be closed. Finn pleads for Dinsmore to reconsider her decision, and explains to her what he likes about the camp. After Dinsmore learns how much Finn likes his camp friends, she decides to give the camp another month to fix the safety hazards. Matteo and Destiny help Finn realize that he saved the camp and conquered his fear of public speaking by explaining what he likes about the camp.

Following suggestions from the campers, Emma ends a camp ban on cell phones. Zuri accidentally falls onto a recently painted bench and becomes covered in paint, an event that is recorded by the campers' cell phones. Her fall becomes an Internet meme that goes viral, and she becomes obsessed with maintaining her new followers. Zuri searches the Internet for new viral video ideas and creates live streams, leaving no time for her camp duties, which upsets Emma. Meanwhile, Ravi and Lou learn that Murphy has become a chef at Camp Champion, and they agree to his challenge of creating meals to compete for the most Internet "likes." Murphy creates a life-sized butter sculpture of himself, while Ravi and Lou create a tower of seafood. When applying a food item to the tower, Ravi falls and knocks over the tower, and Lou's recording of the incident goes viral, earning them more "likes" than Murphy's butter sculpture. Meanwhile, Finn takes separate selfie pictures with Destiny and Matteo, both of whom become jealous when they see the images online. Finn questions Matteo and Destiny about their jealously he learns that prior to camp, Destiny did not have many friends and Matteo was frequently left out of activities. Finn convinces them that they are all best friends, and Emma chooses to reinstate the cell phone ban so the campers can enjoy the camp rather than become obsessed with their phones.

The campers plan a surprise celebration for Lou's tenth anniversary of being at Camp Kikiwaka. Destiny, Finn and Matteo try repairing an old truck in the forest that Lou likes, but they discover it needs a new engine. An old man, Gerald Barker, finds the truck and tells the children about Babyface Munson, a gangster who used the truck as a getaway vehicle for robberies in the 1930s. During a bank robbery, Munson and his gang drove the truck into the forest to evade police, but the engine stopped working and Munson's two gang members abandoned him, leading to his capture. Barker reveals that he is Munson and has returned for the money after being in prison. Munson believes the children took the money, and he insists they return it. Meanwhile, Lou overhears a discussion between Emma, Ravi and Zuri, and she mistakenly believes that they plan to fire her. Lou quits the camp but is followed by Emma, Ravi and Zuri. They find Munson and the others, and Munson realizes his former gang members must have retrieved the money after his capture, as they are now among the richest people in town. Destiny, Finn and Matteo convince the others that Munson, who has no friends or family, is a nice man who does not need to be arrested. At the party, the children give Lou a toy truck as a gift, due to difficulty in repairing the real truck.

The camp holds its annual Kikiwaka Cup game, in which the campers and counselors form two opposing teams and strategize to steal each other's totem. Zuri leads the camper team, while Lou leads the counselors, with Ravi as the referee. Finn and Destiny are disqualified for cheating and are forced by Ravi to stay in the camp office. Matteo is later sent to the office after throwing a dodgeball at Ravi. Matteo reveals that he intentionally got himself taken out of the game because he believes he is too small to play, but Ravi later agrees to give the three a second chance in the game. Meanwhile, in the forest, Emma is tagged by a camper and must wait for one of her teammates to tag her so she can resume the game, but she is left waiting all night. Lou and Zuri make a bet: if the counselors win, then Lou gets a scarf that Zuri cherishes, and if the campers win, then Zuri gets Lou's lucky pig foot. Because of his small size and quick moves, Matteo is able to retrieve the counselors' totem and win the game for the campers. Zuri then disposes of Lou's pig foot in a fire, as she was tired of its odor smelling up the Woodchuck cabin.

Destiny and a friendly new camper named Janice compete in a Camp Kikiwaka beauty pageant hosted by Zuri and Emma. During the question-and-answer portion of the pageant, Janice shouts words of encouragement to Destiny, which causes her to lose concentration. Destiny believes that Janice, like previous pageant competitors, is using mind games to sabotage her chances of winning. Destiny sabotages Janice during the pageant's talent competition, but is later convinced by Lou that Janice really is a friendly girl. Destiny apologizes to Janice and the two befriend each other. Meanwhile, Matteo creates a robot named Otis to clean up after Finn, but Otis malfunctions and subsequently becomes jealous when Matteo wants to spend time with Finn. Later, Ravi and Finn try to shut down Otis, who locks them in their cabin bathroom. After learning of the situation, Matteo shuts down Otis and rescues Ravi and Finn.

Lou is accepted into a college, where she plans to study to become a teacher. Lou's mother, Dixie, visits the camp and becomes upset when she learns that Lou does not intend to take over the family farm like the previous eight generations of the family. After a fight with Lou, Dixie decides to leave the camp early. However, when Dixie sees how much Lou enjoys working with the camp children, she accepts Lou's decision to become a teacher. Meanwhile, Destiny, Finn and Matteo get transported into a jungle adventure board game. To win the game and escape the jungle, they must find a man named Safari Jim and rescue him from various wild animals. Destiny wakes up and realizes that the time spent in the jungle was only a dream.

Camp Kikiwaka commemorates the Moose Rump flood of 1668, in which hundreds of people drowned. When Finn drops a box of evidence from an old Moose Rump witch trial, it unleashes fumes that cause him, Destiny and Matteo to be transported to 17th century Moose Rump, where they are indentured servants forced to work. Finn's job is to hunt animals, but he shows a fondness for them. Destiny's job is to create clothes in a dress shop, but she tries to update the women's clothing to be more colorful. Matteo's job is to prepare food, but he goes against the traditional recipe to make the food flavorful. The children's behavior, considered odd and non-traditional for the time period, leads the town constable to suspect that they are witches. The children learn that the Moose Rump flood is imminent and they try to warn the town, but they are placed on trial for allegedly being witches. The children are found guilty, but they succeed in getting the town to evacuate. Finn, Destiny and Matteo then wake up at Camp Kikiwaka, where Ravi suggests that the compounds of the witch trial box had become fermented, causing the children to hallucinate.

Emma receives a package from her grandmother: a diamond ring that has been in the family for 100 years. Camp Kikiwaka holds a model rocket competition, divided into several different rounds, including the safety round in which contestants must safely land their rockets while protecting a fragile egg as cargo. Zuri and Destiny take Emma's bubble-wrapped ring and attach it to their rocket, thinking it is actually a bubble-wrapped egg. When Destiny and Zuri realize they launched Emma's ring with the rocket, they begin a search for it in the forest, but Emma eventually finds the ring and learns that Destiny and Zuri were responsible for losing it. Meanwhile, Finn is concerned that his rocket will not fly, so Ravi secretly attaches a second booster to it. Finn's rocket ends up flying the highest during the altitude round, beating Matteo's rocket for first place. Ravi then secretly alters Matteo's rocket for the speed round to help him win against Finn's rocket, but Matteo's rocket instead explodes. Matteo, who aspires to be a rocket scientist, is surprised and upset that he keeps losing to Finn, until Ravi reveals the truth.

During the last week of summer, Emma accepts a job as a Milan supermodel for her mother's fashion line and Zuri decides to be an intern at her father's film studio, while Ravi has been accepted into a scientific fellowship. Because none of them will be able to return to Camp Kikiwaka the following summer, their parents state that the camp must be sold. Emma, Zuri and Ravi are reluctant to tell Lou about the camp sale as it will upset her. Because Lou has always wanted to ride in a hot air balloon, they decide to take her on one so she will be in a good mood when they tell her the news. Although Lou is initially upset, she decides that the others should follow their dreams. Later, Emma, Zuri and Ravi agree to sell the camp to Lou. Meanwhile, Destiny, Finn and Matteo discover a caged baby Kikiwaka and free it, later learning that a scientist, Dr. Blackburn, had captured it for research. The children name the animal Doug and shave him to blend in with the campers. Blackburn captures Doug again but he escapes his cage, and his mother arrives to scare off Blackburn. The Kikiwakas then retreat into the forest.

Season 4 (2019–20) Edit

When Gwen accidentally breaks a window, Destiny lies to Lou and says that a blue-haired girl with green glasses was the culprit. Later, Destiny and Gwen spot a camper named Ruby who matches Destiny's description. Destiny and Gwen try to keep Ruby from getting in trouble, but they are unsuccessful, and Lou eventually decides to expel Ruby from camp. Feeling bad for Ruby, the girls admit their scheme to Lou, who reveals that she knew all along and had hired Ruby to prank them. Elsewhere, Finn and Matteo want to install a webcam on top of a water tower to watch a nest of owls hatch, but Noah forbids them from going up there because it is dangerous. Meanwhile, Noah has Ava say "Yes, and. " to everything as part of an improv class. She is surprised to see how much she enjoys it, although Finn and Matteo use this to their advantage by asking Ava to take them to the water tower. Ava and the boys become stuck on the tower when the ladder falls over, but they are later rescued by Lou and Noah.

Lou has her dairy cow Bessie shipped to Camp Kikiwaka, and she allows Finn to take care of it. However, Finn accidentally leaves Bessie's gate open, allowing her to briefly escape. Lou decides that Finn is not ready for such a responsibility. When Finn overhears Lou talking to the camp chef, he mistakenly believes that Lou intends to have Bessie cooked. To save Bessie, Finn takes her away from the camp. Lou locates them and says that she actually plans to enter Bessie in a county fair competition. Meanwhile, Gwen and Destiny learn that Ava came to Camp Kikiwaka to get away from her mother, Bonnie, following an argument between the two. Gwen and Destiny, posing as Ava, write an apology letter to Bonnie. When Bonnie decides to visit the camp, she and Ava realize that Gwen and Destiny wrote the letter, and their feud continues as neither is willing to apologize. Lou helps Ava and Bonnie work out their relationship, and the two reconcile. Ava decides to return home, but is convinced by Destiny and Gwen to stay at the camp. Elsewhere, Matteo helps Noah learn French so he can audition for a muscle drink commercial being produced by a Canadian company.

Noah learns that Ava has secretly been visiting a hot spring in the woods, and he is upset that Ava did not tell him about its existence. Noah gives Ava an opportunity to admit its existence by sharing a secret of his own, but she instead says that she does not consider him a friend. Feeling upset, Noah tells Finn, Destiny, and Matteo about the hot spring, and they subsequently tell other campers about it. Later, Ava feels bad and decides to tell Noah about the hot spring, saying that she is glad to have a peaceful place of her own to relax. However, she is upset when the hot spring becomes a popular spot for the campers. To make it up to Ava, Noah tries scaring off the campers so she can have the spot to herself again, but he fails. However, the campers retreat when a snake infestation strikes the hot spring area. After the snakes are removed, Ava regains the area to herself and she reconciles with Noah. Meanwhile, Gwen, who has been homeschooled her entire life, is nervous when she learns her parents plan to enroll her in a real school later in the year. Gwen has difficulty reading, so Lou helps her practice.

Destiny organizes a fundraiser so she can purchase a machine to remove trash from the local lake. Celebrity actor Austin Justin agrees to help with the fundraiser by giving people the chance to win a canoe ride with him through an auction. Noah and Austin previously worked together as extras on a film, but when Noah fell into a lake, Austin got the larger role of the two and he went on to become famous. Noah believes he was pushed into the lake by Austin, and has disliked him ever since. Austin privately admits to Noah that he pushed him into the lake, but he refuses to tell the public. During the auction, Ava reveals a video she secretly filmed, in which Austin admits what he did to Noah and also insults Moose Rump. Austin is banished and Noah takes his place in the canoe ride auction. Meanwhile, the camp is throwing a hoedown dance, and Matteo agrees to be Gwen's dance partner. However, Finn convinces Matteo that he has actually agreed to be Gwen's boyfriend, which makes Matteo uncomfortable. When Matteo starts avoiding Gwen, she decides to dump him as her dance partner. At the dance, Lou learns what happened between the two and she gets them to dance, restoring their friendship.

Noah, Finn and Matteo accept a challenge from the girls to survive in the wilderness for one night with limited resources. Miss Tilly, the owner of an inn, finds the boys later that night in the woods, and they accept her invitation to visit the inn for a quick snack. They intend to leave shortly thereafter to continue their challenge, but they fall asleep. Meanwhile, Hazel returns to the camp for old times' sake, but Lou believes she is really there for something else. With Gwen's help, Lou deduces that Hazel is searching for an old camp treasure. They later learn that Hazel was searching for a time capsule that she and Lou buried years ago when they were best friends. Hazel had become jealous of Lou's friendship with Xander, ultimately leading to the demise of their friendship. Lou and Hazel reconcile, and Lou agrees to let Hazel visit the camp again. Meanwhile, Ava and Destiny are quarantined to their cabin after catching a contagious rash.

After Destiny cleans some trash out of the camp lake, she makes a misleading social media post claiming that the lake is now free of trash. When a reporter, Randy, decides to interview Destiny about her environmental effort, she has little time to clear out the remaining trash. She is helped by Finn, Matteo, and Gwen, although she is disappointed by their lack of progress. In addition, Destiny has forgotten to schedule a pickup for the trash that was already collected. The children hide the trash in a shed, but Randy learns the truth when the trash tumbles out. Randy convinces Destiny that she has achieved a lot of cleanup already, and he decides to publish photos of the trash to help educate people about recycling and environmental cleanup. Meanwhile, Noah and Ava are chosen to partake in Lou's play that tells the history of the camp and its founder. Noah and Ava believe the play is boring and could benefit from updates, but Lou disagrees. Later, Lou has a dream in which she meets the ghost of the camp founder, who convinces her to take Noah and Ava's advice.

Lou injures her ankle and reluctantly puts Noah, Finn and Matteo in charge of the camp, while Ava is tasked with helping Lou as she recovers. The boys struggle to maintain the camp, and Noah has Ava keep Lou occupied to prevent her from discovering their mishaps. When Lou learns the truth, she gladly realizes that the campers still need her. Meanwhile, Gwen is tired of doing indoor activities thought up by Destiny, so Ava introduces Gwen to the Extreme Team, a trio of girl campers who enjoy extreme outdoor activities. Gwen and the Extreme Team plan to hike up a mountain, but Destiny inadvertently changes the team's mind when she gets them interested in making leather belts instead. Upset, Gwen decides to go on the hike by herself, but she later falls down a hole. Ava and Destiny find Gwen and rescue her using one of the belts to lift her out. Destiny apologizes to Gwen when she realizes how often they do things that Destiny wants to do Gwen forgives her.

When mosquitoes become a nuisance at the camp, Matteo tries out several solutions, but none are effective. Gwen creates a foul-smelling paste that keeps the mosquitoes away, and Matteo turns the paste into a spray with a pleasant smell. Gwen is upset when Matteo takes sole credit for the spray, so she starts handing out a modified version of her paste, without the foul odor. Later, Matteo gives Gwen credit for the spray, and the camp is disgusted to learn that she used cow manure as the main ingredient. Gwen and Matteo subsequently use the paste to instead create candles that will keep the mosquitoes away. Meanwhile, Lou wants to choose someone to serve as the camp's song leader. Destiny discovers that Ava has a good singing voice, but Ava is too nervous to sing in front of people. Ava eventually overcomes her fear and is chosen as the song leader. Noah is upset that his parents are getting divorced. Lou wants Noah to talk to her about his feelings, believing it will make him feel better, but he declines. Later, she has Finn talk to Noah. Finn's parents divorced a year ago, and he convinces Noah that he will be okay after his own parents divorce.

Camp Kikiwaka competes in an annual sports competition against its rival, Camp Champion, which is operated by a woman named Barb. Lou is upset that Camp Kikiwaka loses every year to Camp Champion, although she wants her campers to focus on having fun instead of trying to beat Barb's team. Lou changes her mind after discovering how good Ava and Gwen are at sports. Lou has the girls play in each game in the competition, pushing Camp Kikiwaka toward victory. Noah and Matteo are disappointed by their limited role in the competition, and when Lou realizes how obsessed she became with winning, she decides to let the boys play in the final part of the competition: an egg-tossing game. Matteo loses, but Camp Champion forfeits the competition to Camp Kikiwaka after Lou discovers that the rival team cheated in the last game by using a hardboiled egg. Meanwhile, Cynthia, a girl from Destiny's school, is on the Camp Champion team. Cynthia has a boyfriend named Chet, and Destiny had previously told Cynthia that she also had a boyfriend, in an attempt to become friends with Cynthia. Destiny has Finn pose as her boyfriend, but she eventually reveals the truth to Cynthia, who still wants to be friends with Destiny.

Gwen's brother Jasper visits her at the camp and reveals that he has had trouble making friends ever since the family moved from the woods to a city. Although Gwen convinces Jasper to try making friends at the camp, he soon gives up and wants to retreat to the woods, while believing that Gwen has become too reliant on people. Meanwhile, Lou wants to make a deal with an oatmeal company to sponsor their product at the camp, but Destiny learns that the company discards imperfect batches of oatmeal. Destiny is upset by the environmental impact of the wasted food, but Lou wants to proceed with the deal. Pa Gordon, the company founder, meets with Lou while Destiny protests against him. When Pa Gordon insults Destiny, Lou decides to end her agreement with his company. Lou reveals that the sponsorship deal would have paid for the camp's scholarship program next year. Gwen is among the campers who got in through the program, and Jasper decides to donate a rare coin to fund the program for the following year, earning him new friends among the campers. Elsewhere, Finn agrees to bathe more often if Matteo can go five days without showering, which he manages to do.

It is Renaissance Week at Camp Kikiwaka, and each of the campers are assigned roles. Finn is assigned the role of king, and Destiny is a maid. However, Destiny is disappointed with her role and convinces Finn to make her his royal advisor. In her new role, Destiny secretly rules the camp by advising Finn. The campers, annoyed by Finn's actions, attempt to oust him as king. After Lou tells Destiny that everyone was given their roles to help them in specific things (Destiny being a maid to teach her humility), she come clean to the camp. Meanwhile, Matteo is assigned the role of a knight, and Gwen is a bard who decides to write a story about an act of bravery by Matteo. When Mrs. Kipling comes to the camp for a visit, Gwen mistakenly believes that Matteo has tamed a "dragon" and decides to write a story about it. However, Matteo eventually admits the truth to the camp, which Lou considers an act of bravery. Elsewhere, Ava learns that Noah and another camper, Alice, like each other. However, Noah eventually learns that Alice only likes him as part of her role.

Camp Champion is accidentally flooded by a wave pool that Barb activated, so Lou allows Barb and her campers to stay at Camp Kikiwaka until the flooded camp is fully dried. Lou is annoyed when she has to share her cabin with Barb. Ava, Destiny, and Gwen get a camper named Sophie as their temporary roommate, but Sophie secretly tries to turn the girls against each other by pointing out habits of theirs that annoy one another. Noah, Finn, and Matteo are displeased that they did not get a temporary roommate, and they unsuccessfully try to recruit one. Camp Champion's young owner Kaylie Champion shows up at Camp Kikiwaka to inquire Barb about what happened at Camp Champion. Realizing how much Barb enjoys her job as camp director, Lou covers up Barb's mistake by taking the blame for the wave pool incident, claiming it was part of a prank war with Camp Champion that went horribly wrong. Kaylie allows Barb to keep her job and departs. Lou and Barb decide to keep their relationship at the "good neighbors" level.

Lou discovers old boxes containing camp founder Jedediah Swearengen's belongings, including his diary. Lou is against reading the diary as she wants to respect the founder's privacy, but Destiny takes it and learns that Jedediah was a poor camp director at Camp Kikiwaka. He later changed his last name to Champion and opened the rival Camp Champion, which Lou dislikes. Destiny keeps this a secret from Lou, who admires Jedediah, but she later decides to tell the truth. Although Lou is upset, Destiny and Ava cheer her up. Meanwhile, Finn realizes he has a talent for stacking objects, and he is proud to gain a nickname as "The Stacker." Matteo does not think of stacking as a talent, so he sets out to prove that anyone can do it, inadvertently gaining Finn's nickname and upsetting him. The boys subsequently reconcile. Elsewhere, Gwen watches one of Noah's favorite films. Although she disliked the film, she lies to Noah to avoid hurting his feelings. However, she reveals her true feelings after learning that the film was only one part of a large franchise which Noah wants her to experience.

Lou is upset when a noisy party boat appears near the camp. She learns the boat is operated by a man named Boomer, who is holding campaign parties for Moose Rump mayor Higgins. Lou goes to the mayor to put an end to the parties, but she discovers that Higgins is actually a goat owned by Boomer. To stop the party boat, Lou decides she will run against Higgins, who previously defeated 16 humans to be elected mayor. Lou assigns Noah to be her campaign advisor, but she later decides to withdraw her candidacy following a poor debate performance with Higgins, who is favored by the audience. Instead, Lou endorses a sloth as the new mayor, and it wins the election. Meanwhile, Destiny gives Gwen a makeover for an upcoming camp photo, but Gwen feels uncomfortable with her new look. Elsewhere, Noah has put Ava in charge of watching Finn and Matteo while he helps Lou. When Ava accidentally hurts Finn and Matteo, she enlists Destiny's help in applying makeup to their faces to hide their injuries. Noah finds out what happened and is initially upset with Ava for lying, but he forgives her.

Lou buys a shaved ice machine for the campers during a heat wave, although the machine later goes missing. Matteo and Gwen go on a search to solve the mystery of the missing machine, and they ultimately find it destroyed in the woods. They learn that the culprit is the camp cook, Chef Jeff, who was upset that the campers were eating snow cones instead of his food. Lou forgives Chef Jeff, as he has gone through a difficult time with his girlfriend, and he decides to help pay for a new machine. Meanwhile, Finn accidentally hits a camper, Derek, on two separate occasions. Finn gets the impression that Derek wants to fight him later in the day, so he gets defense advice from Ava ahead of the fight. Later, Finn learns that Derek only wanted to meet with him to peacefully discuss their issues, not to fight. Elsewhere, Noah enlists Destiny and Lou to help him film a series of scenes that he intends to compile into a reel, which will demonstrate his acting skills. However, filming does not go well and Noah starts to question his skills. Lou helps Noah realize that his scenes merely need to be simplified to focus more on his acting.

Destiny wants to spend as much time as possible with Finn and Matteo before summer ends, but her feelings are hurt when she learns from a blog that the boys secretly spent Thanksgiving together without her. As revenge, she recruits two similar boys to be her new friends, in order to make Finn and Matteo jealous. When Finn and Matteo realize what Destiny is doing, they befriend a similar girl named Desiree. The three eventually discuss the issue, with Destiny learning that Matteo's family invited Finn and his newly divorced mother to their home for Thanksgiving. They did not tell Destiny because they did not want to hurt her feelings, and the three soon reconcile. Meanwhile, Lou assigns Ava to be her apprentice and learn how to become a handyperson, but it does not go over well. Elsewhere, Gwen helps Noah teach a senior citizen dance class and she befriends her dance partner, Edna. When Edna does not arrive one day for practice, Gwen learns that Edna has an illness and makes regular hospital visits for medication. Gwen is disturbed by the idea that Edna might not be around one day, but Noah helps her realize that she should appreciate the time she has now with Edna.

Ava's favorite brother, Alex, comes to Camp Kikiwaka for a visit. The two enjoy mocking things together, but Alex starts becoming a positive person after falling in love with Lou. Upset with Alex's changing personality, Ava locks Lou in an outhouse to sabotage her date with him. However, Ava learns that Alex has become a positive person as a result of being at the camp, and she realizes that she has also become a happier person since her arrival there. Meanwhile, Noah, Finn and Gwen play "stay off the lava" and come up with creative ways to get around while avoiding contact with the ground. Finn and Gwen eventually trick Noah into touching the ground, leaving only the two of them in the game. They compete on an obstacle course to determine the winner, with Finn emerging victorious. Elsewhere, Destiny takes in a stray cat which Matteo becomes attached to, reversing his dislike of cats. Destiny is concerned that Matteo is becoming too attached to the cat when he begins acting like one. Later, Destiny learns the cat belongs to someone, and Matteo is forced to part ways with it when the owner comes to retrieve it.

Camp Kikiwaka is preparing to hold its annual charity carnival, which will raise money to build a playground for the children of Moose Rump. Lou is now the deputy mayor, and she needs approval from the city council to use an empty lot for the playground. She learns that the council consists of Boomer Gower and his family. Boomer schedules a council vote for the same day as the carnival, hoping to sabotage Lou by making her believe she cannot handle two jobs. At the city council meeting, Boomer stalls the vote in hopes that Lou will resign as deputy mayor, allowing him to take the position, although his plan fails when his family votes to approve the playground. Meanwhile, Gwen and Destiny prepare to play the roles in a clown show for the carnival. Destiny reveals that she comes from a family of clowns, but that she was unable to get the hang of being one herself, which led to her competing in pageants instead. Destiny is concerned that she cannot be a good clown, until Gwen helps her succeed. Meanwhile, Ava pranks Finn by making him believe that she is psychic and that she can train him. When Finn believes that he has become psychic, he winds up convincing Ava of his abilities, before revealing that he has pranked her.

Lou wants to have friends her own age, and she is happy when she befriends a group of women who hold meetings in the woods. Ava finds the women odd and suspects they are witches, but Lou does not believe her. Later, Lou decides to part ways with the group after learning that Ava was right. Meanwhile, Noah and Destiny learn that Matteo has been sneaking out at night to perform a piano act for older people at Miss Tilly's inn. To avoid hurting his feelings, Noah and Destiny lie to Matteo by saying that they enjoyed his act. Matteo had avoided performing at the camp because he believed that the children would not enjoy his act, but he gains confidence after learning that Noah and Destiny liked it. They confess to him after he decides to perform for the camp, but the three later come together for a joint act. The campers are not impressed, but Matteo is happy that he can still perform at the inn. Elsewhere, Finn tries to help Gwen break a world record so she can get into a book of records, although he accidentally ruins each of their efforts. Later, he gives Gwen a handmade book of his own about their attempts to break a record, and Gwen is happy to receive it.

Finn is upset when his mother's boyfriend Dave visits the camp. Despite Dave's efforts to bond, Finn still does not like him. Dave wants to marry Finn's mother, but only if Finn will approve of the relationship. When Lou tries to solve the problem, Finn reveals that he actually does like Dave but that he felt guilty, as he does not want his father to feel like he is being replaced. Lou helps Finn realize that he can like both his father and Dave. Meanwhile, Ava learns she was not invited to a party for the camp counselors because she is considered unfriendly. Noah and Destiny try to teach Ava how to be polite, and she is later accepted to the party. Meanwhile, Gwen believes that a fairy has been leaving her gifts in the woods, but Matteo does not believe her and tries to prove that fairies are not real.

Ava and Destiny are tired of having to share their small bathroom with each other. When Ava discovers the large bathroom in Grizzly Cabin, she and Destiny trick Noah, Finn and Matteo into switching cabins, claiming that Woodchuck Cabin is superior. The boys are upset to learn how small their new bathroom is, but the girls refuse to switch back. Meanwhile, Gwen is upset when she realizes that she has lost her outdoors skills, such as the ability to make a fire. She eventually decides to embrace modern technology, but regains her old skills when she senses that the boys are planning to reclaim their cabin. Gwen sets up traps in Grizzly Cabin and stops the boys. Meanwhile, Lou hires an old friend, Jerry, as the camp handyman. However, he turns out to be incompetent, and she cannot bring herself to fire him. Later, Lou promises to have a bigger bathroom built for the girls, and they agree to move back into Woodchuck Cabin. However, Lou has tasked Jerry with building the additional space, and he does a poor job.

The campers are given evaluation forms to rate how good of a job their counselors are doing, and Ava worries that she will be ranked poorly and be reassigned to new campers. To ensure this does not happen, Ava gets gifts for Destiny and Gwen, who decide to take advantage of the situation and have Ava do their chores as well. To regain control over her campers, Ava lies to them and says that she has been reassigned to a new cabin, convincing the girls to do their own chores in order to keep her as their counselor. Meanwhile, Lou's cousin Ronnie visits the camp, and she has brought along her baby daughter Lily. Ronnie wants free time to enjoy herself, so she leaves Lily in Lou's care. Lou is afraid she will accidentally hurt Lily, like she did to Finn when he was a baby. When Lily starts crying, Lou overcomes her fear and holds Lily to calm her down. In Grizzly Cabin, Noah and Matteo get rid of a bunk bed that is never used, but they cannot decide how to use the new space. They try a vending machine, a hammock, and a weightlifting set. They ultimately decide to bring back the bunk bed and use it as a nap space to avoid messing up their made beds.

Lou convinces a high school acquaintance, Sean, to visit the camp. Sean (stylized as S3an) has a blog that documents her world travels, and Lou is hoping she will write about Camp Kikiwaka and increase its publicity. Lou eventually becomes depressed about her own lack of accomplishments and soon wishes that Sean would leave the camp, prompting Gwen to add moose pheromones in Sean's pockets so she will be chased off. When Lou finds out what Gwen has done, she sets out with Gwen to rescue Sean from a moose. In the process, they learn that Sean's blog is a lie and that she never traveled around the world. Meanwhile, Matteo's online friend, Benji, visits the camp. Finn and Destiny try to befriend Benji, but he appears to be bothered by their efforts. Matteo thinks they are trying too hard, but Benji reveals that he gets nervous when meeting new people. Later, the four bond while fishing. Meanwhile, Ava convinces Noah that they should try sneaking off to a concert, but they ultimately are unable to get there.

Lou and Barb decide to participate in a camp director swap for a week. The children at Camp Kikiwaka are unhappy with Barb's strict rules, so Destiny and Ava try to loosen her up by sending her on a scavenger hunt. The plan works, as Barb discovers how much fun a camp can be, but problems arise when she starts to neglect her duties as camp director. Destiny retrieves Lou to restore order, and the swap is called off. Meanwhile, Finn and Matteo enjoy playing a wilderness survival video game, but Gwen insists it is nothing like real life. She challenges Finn to a competition to see whose outdoor skills are better, and Matteo acts as an observer and takes note of their individual skills. Finn succeeds several times in proving himself, but Gwen dismisses this as mere luck. They later find Julie, a birthday girl who fell down a well, and she is dressed as a princess for her party. Finn notes that this is like the video game, in which outdoor skills must be used to rescue a princess, although he too falls down the well while trying to save her. Gwen rescues them both and later takes on a liking for video games.

Raven, Chelsea, Booker, Nia, Levi, and Tess set out on a long road trip to Maine’s Camp Champion, but a GPS glitch sends them off course to Camp Kikiwaka, a place with an uncertain future even for those who can catch a glimpse of the future. While Raven and Chelsea hunt for Maine lobster, the kids make arts and crafts and develop feats of engineering, and then set out to find the camp’s infamous “Snipe” in Moose Rump’s Forbidden Forest. The adventure also includes celebrity piglets, hidden tunnels and ausical performance, as the newcomers forge a camaraderie with Lou, Noah, Ava, Destiny, Gwen, Finn, and Matteo – and set out to own the summer.

Special guest stars: Raven-Symoné as Raven, Anneliese van der Pol as Chelsea, Issac Ryan Brown as Booker, Navia Robinson as Nia, Jason Maybaum as Levi, Sky Katz as Tess

Season 5 (2021) Edit

At the start of the camp season, Emma Ross has returned to Camp Kikiwaka to visit Lou and Destiny while mentioning about her upcoming debut fashion line and owning five islands. Her hanging out with them starts to make Ava jealous. Ava later finds footage on the Internet where Emma's first attempt at her debut led to her falling off the runway and landing on Beyoncé who then fell on Jennifer Lopez and she fell on Rihanna and she fell on Lady Gaga. Overhearing the comments by Ava, Lou, and Destiny, Emma admitted that fact and that she ran off after that disastrous experience. Emma then leaves making Lou and Destiny disappointed in Ava. Meanwhile, Matteo wears a fake moustache after having seen Finn starting to shave. They alongside Noah investigate the ghost story about a ghostly boy that Emma mentioned about their cabin and the ghost facts start to come true. When they try to get rid of the ghost, they find that he was just a camper named Paul assigned to their cabin as he leaves to get a transfer to another cabin. After the suspension bridge to Camp Kikiwaka is destroyed during a thunderstorm, Emma is left stranded until Lou, Destiny, and Ava persuade her to cross a log as if she is doing a second attempt on the runway. Once that is done, Emma returns to Camp Kikiwaka where Lou would allow Ava to perform the song that she was working on. When Ava declines, Lou plans to tell a ghost story as the boys quote "No ghost stories" causing Paul to once again state that he is not a ghost. Emma quotes that the camp season is already off to a crazy start.

Special guest star: Peyton List as Emma Ross

Guest star: River Drosche as Paul

Ava and Noah run the camp's daycare Pee-Wee Waka while Destiny and Finn host the camp's news show, "Talking About Waka" with Mateo as technical director. Ava and Noah meet Nadine, an 8 year old who believes she is a superhero made of metal. Finn starts a comedic segment which attracts a group of people, although Destiny becomes annoyed that Finn is getting attention. Nadine heads out to find Big Stinky, the camp's skunk who terrorized them 3 years ago, as she wants to find herself an enemy. Noah and Ava go after her, and find her stuck on branches. As Noah is about to get sprayed, Ava jumps in front of him, getting sprayed herself. Meanwhile, Destiny starts the show without Finn, who is trying to find a way to get inside. As Mateo lets him in, Destiny reveals that she wanted to do the show alone as Finn got the attention, but he reveals that he started being funny as he was afraid of Destiny's smarts. They make up and do the show together, reminding Ava and Noah about their younger selves.

Guest star: Kyriana Kratter as Nadine

Guest stars: Ellen Karsten as Miss Tilly, Marc Cedric Smith as Mr. Crumbwell

Chocolate Cake (Adapted from Miette)

1 1/2 cups all purpose flour

1 1/4 cups natural unsweetened cocoa powder

1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

1/2 teaspoon baking powder

2 ounces 70% cacao chocolate, coarsely chopped

1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 large eggs, at room temperature

Vanilla Cream Cheese Buttercream (adapted from lyndel miller)

6 ounces unsalted butter, softened

9.5 ounces or 2 1/4 cup confectioners sugar, sifted

4 1/4 ounce or 1/2 cup cream cheese softened

1 teaspoon vanilla bean paste or natural vanilla extract

I'm Todd Wilbur, Chronic Food Hacker

For 30 years I've been deconstructing America's most iconic brand-name foods to make the best original clone recipes for you to use at home. Welcome to my lab.

Menu Description: "Tender, crispy wild gulf shrimp tossed in a creamy, spicy sauce."

Bonefish Grill proudly refers to this appetizer as the "house specialty." And why not, it's an attractive dish with bang-up flavor, especially if you like your food on the spicy side. The heat in this Bang Bang Shrimp recipe comes from the secret sauce blend that's flavored with chili garlic sauce, also known as sambal. You can find this bright red sauce where the Asian foods in your market—and while you're there, pick up some rice vinegar. Once the sauce is made, you coat the shrimp in a simple seasoned breading, fry them to a nice golden brown, toss them gently in the sauce, and then serve them up on a bed of mixed greens to hungry folks who, hopefully, have a cool drink nearby to mellow the sting.

You might also like my recipes for Bonefish Grill's Saucy Shrimp and Citrus Herb Vinaigrette.

Menu Description: "Here they are in all their lip-smacking, award-winning glory: Buffalo, New York-style chicken wings spun in your favorite signature sauce."

Since Buffalo, New York was too far away, Jim Disbrow and Scott Lowery satisfied their overwhelming craving in 1981 by opening a spicy chicken wing restaurant close to home in Kent, Ohio. With signature sauces and a festive atmosphere, the chain has now evolved from a college campus sports bar with wings to a family restaurant with over 300 units. While frying chicken wings is no real secret—simply drop them in hot shortening for about 10 minutes—the delicious spicy sauces make the wings special. There are 12 varieties of sauce available to coat your crispy chicken parts at the chain, and I'm presenting clones for the more traditional flavors. These sauces are very thick, almost like dressing or dip, so we'll use an emulsifying technique that will ensure a creamy final product where the oil won't separate from the other ingredients. Here is the chicken wing cooking and coating technique, followed by clones for the most popular sauces: Spicy Garlic, Medium and Hot. The sauce recipes might look the same at first, but each has slight variations make your sauce hotter or milder by adjusting the level of cayenne pepper. You can find Frank's pepper sauce by the other hot sauces in your market. If you can't find that brand, you can also use Crystal Louisiana hot sauce.

Joseph Weiss was living in New York with his wife and son when his doctor told him he would need a change of climate to help his asthma. He journeyed to Miami, Florida in 1913 and discovered he was able to breathe again. He quickly moved his family down South and opened his first restaurant, a little lunch counter. Joe's restaurant business exploded in 1921 when he discovered how to cook and serve the stone crabs caught off the coast. Joe boiled the meaty claws and served them chilled with a secret mustard dipping sauce. Today only one pincer is removed from each stone crab, then the crab is tossed back into the ocean where it will regenerate the missing claw in about 2 years. The stone crabs, in addition to several other signature items, made Joe's a Miami hotspot, and these days Joe's restaurants can be found in Chicago and Las Vegas. Here is my take on Joe's amazing giant crab cakes, which are made from lump crab meat, and served as an appetizer or entree at the restaurant. Of course, you can't clone a Joe's crab dish without cloning the secret mustard sauce, so that recipe is here too.

Here are some more clone recipes of other popular dishes from Joe's Stone Crab.

Order an entree from America's largest seafood restaurant chain and you'll get a basket of some of the planet's tastiest garlic-cheese biscuits served up on the side. For many years this recipe has been the most-searched-for clone recipe on the Internet, according to Red Lobster. As a result, several versions are floating around, including one that was at one time printed right on the box of Bisquick baking mix.

The problem with making biscuits using Bisquick is that if you follow the directions from the box you don't end up with a very fluffy or flakey finished product, since most of the fat in the recipe comes from the shortening that's included in the mix. On its own, room temperature shortening does a poor job creating the light, airy texture you want from good biscuits, and it contributes little in the way of flavor. So, we'll invite some cold butter along on the trip -- with grated Cheddar cheese and a little garlic powder. Now you'll be well on your way to delicious Cheddar Bay. Wherever that is.

Menu Description: "Lightly-dusted, stir-fried in a sweet Szechwan sauce."

The delicious sweet-and-spicy secret sauce is what makes this dish one of P. F. Chang's top picks. Once the sauce is finished all you have to do is saute your chicken and combine. You'll want to cook up some white or brown rice, like at the restaurant. If you can't find straight chili sauce for this recipe, the more common chili sauce with garlic in it will work just as well.

Check out my other P.F. Chang's clone recipes here.

Peruse a menu at one of the 270-unit LongHorn Steakhouses located throughout the eastern half of the U.S. and you'll find this seasoning blend on battered onion petals, spicy fried shrimp, pork chops, and steaks. Just combine these eight common ingredients in the comfort of your home, and you will have quickly cloned a versatile seasoned salt that can be added to everything that needs flavor, from steaks to chicken to seafood. It's also good sprinkled over eggs, burgers, even popcorn.

Menu Description: "Our creamy cheesecake with chunks of white chocolate and swirls of imported seedless raspberries throughout. Baked in a chocolate crust and finished with white chocolate shavings and whipped cream."

Heres how to recreate a home version of the cheesecake that many claim is the best they've ever had. Raspberry preserves are the secret ingredient that is swirled into the cream cheese that's poured into a crumbled chocolate cookie crust. Yum. No wonder this cheesecake is the number one pick from the chain's massive list of cheesecake choices.

In early 1985, restaurateur Rich Komen felt there was a specialty niche in convenience-food service just waiting to be filled. His idea was to create an efficient outlet that could serve freshly made cinnamon rolls in shopping malls throughout the country. It took nine months for Komen and his staff to develop a cinnamon roll recipe he knew customers would consider the "freshest, gooiest, and most mouthwatering cinnamon roll ever tasted." The concept was tested for the first time in Seattle's Sea-Tac mall later that year, with workers mixing, proofing, rolling, and baking the rolls in full view of customers. Now, more than 626 outlets later, Cinnabon has become the fastest-growing cinnamon roll bakery in the world.

My Faith: The danger of asking God ‘Why me?'

Editor’s note: Timothy Keller is senior pastor of Redeemer Presbyterian Church in New York and author of The New York Times best-selling book "The Reason for God." His book for church leaders, "Center Church," will be published in September.

By Timothy Keller, Special to CNN

(CNN)–When I was diagnosed with cancer, the question “Why me?” was a natural one.

Later, when I survived but others with the same kind of cancer died, I also had to ask, “Why me?”

Suffering and death seem random, senseless.

The recent Aurora, Colorado, shootings — in which some people were spared and others lost — is the latest, vivid example of this, but there are plenty of others every day: from casualties in the Syria uprising to victims of accidents on American roads. Tsunamis, tornadoes, household accidents - the list is long.

As a minister, I’ve spent countless hours with suffering people crying: “Why did God let this happen?” In general I hear four answers to this question. Each is wrong, or at least inadequate.

The first answer is “I guess this proves there is no God.” The problem with this thinking is that the problem of senseless suffering does not go away if you abandon belief in God.

In his Letter from Birmingham Jail, the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. said that if there was no higher divine law, there would be no way to tell if any particular human law was unjust. Likewise, if there is no God, then why do we have a sense of outrage and horror when suffering and tragedy occur? The strong eat the weak, there is no meaning, so why not?

Friedrich Nietzsche exemplified that idea. When the atheist Nietzsche heard that a natural disaster had destroyed Java in 1883, he wrote a friend: “Two-hundred-thousand wiped out at a stroke—how magnificent!”

Because there is no God, Nietzsche said, all value judgments are arbitrary. All definitions of justice are just the results of your culture or temperament.

As different as they were, King and Nietzsche agreed on this point. If there is no God or higher divine law then violence is perfectly natural.

So abandoning belief in God doesn’t help with the problem of suffering at all.

The second response to suffering is: “While there is a God, he’s not completely in control of everything. He couldn’t stop this.”

But that kind of God doesn’t really fit our definition of “God.” So that thinking hardly helps us with reconciling God and suffering.

The third answer to the worst kind of suffering – seemingly senseless death – is: “God saves some people and lets others die because he favors and rewards good people.”

But the Bible forcefully rejects the idea that people who suffer more are worse people than those who are spared suffering.

This was the self-righteous premise of Job’s friends in that great Old Testament book. They sat around Job, who was experiencing one sorrow after another, and said “The reason this is happening to you and not us is because we are living right and you are not.”

At the end of the book, God expresses his fury at Job’s ”miserable comforters.” The world is too fallen and deeply broken to fall into neat patterns of good people having good lives and bad people having bad lives.

The fourth answer to suffering in the face of an all-powerful God is that God knows what he’s doing, so be quiet and trust him.

This is partly right, but inadequate. It is inadequate because it is cold and because the Bible gives us more with which to face the terrors of life.

God did not create a world with death and evil in it. It is the result of humankind turning away from him. We were put into this world to live wholly for him, and when instead we began to live for ourselves everything in our created reality began to fall apart, physically, socially and spiritually. Everything became subject to decay.

But God did not abandon us. Only Christianity of all the world’s major religions teaches that God came to Earth in Jesus Christ and became subject to suffering and death himself, dying on the cross to take the punishment our sins deserved, so that someday he can return to Earth to end all suffering without ending us.

Do you see what this means? We don’t know the reason God allows evil and suffering to continue, or why it is so random, but now at least we know what the reason isn’t, what it can’t be.

It can’t be that he doesn’t love us. It can’t be that he doesn’t care. He is so committed to our ultimate happiness that he was willing to plunge into the greatest depths of suffering himself.

Someone might say, “But that’s only half an answer to the question ‘Why?'” Yes, but it is the half that we need. If God actually explained all the reasons why he allows things to happen as they do, it would be too much for our finite brains.

What we truly need is what little children need. They can’t understand most of what their parents allow and disallow for them. They need to know their parents love them and can be trusted. We need to know the same thing about God.

The opinions expressed in this commentary are solely those of Timothy Keller.

Soundoff (3,664 Responses)

Did this joker really just equate morality with religion?

How's that been working out for mankind for the past few thousand years or so?

Inferences erroneously drawn from facts observed in nature have, however, led to supposed conflict between science and revelation and in the effort to restore harmony, interpretations of Scripture have been adopted that undermine and destroy the force of the word of God. Geology has been thought to contradict the literal interpretation of the Mosaic record of the creation. Millions of years, it is claimed, were required for the evolution of the earth from chaos and in order to accommodate the Bible to this supposed revelation of science, the days of creation are assumed to have been vast, indefinite periods, covering thousands or even millions of years. 129

"Geology has been thought to contradict the literal interpretation of the Mosaic record of the creation."

In the view of such harmony in the cosmos which I, with my limited human mind, am able to recognise, there are yet people who say there is no God. But what makes me really angry is that they quote me for support for such views. (The Expanded Quotable Einstein, Princeton University Press, p. 214)

What separates me from most so-called atheists is a feeling of utter humility toward the unattainable secrets of the harmony of the cosmos. (Albert Einstein to Joseph Lewis, Apr. 18, 1953)

When the answer is simple, God is speaking. (Albert Einstein)

Then there are the fanatical atheists whose intolerance is the same as that of the religious fanatics, and it springs from the same source . . . They are creatures who can't hear the music of the spheres. (The Expanded Quotable Einstein, Princeton University Press, 2000 p. 214)

Einstein did not believe in a PERSONAL god or a god who was concerned with PEOPLE. If you want to attach Einstein's name to any god, then it needs to be Deistic. He did NOT believe in anything like the god of the bible or the koran, so don't lie. It makes baby gee-bus cry widdle tears that get his manger hay all wet.

I didn't say a word so please don't accuse me of lying. Have a good one.

Satan is the originator of sin, suffering, death and sorrow. God had foreknowledge of what would come on the earth after Satan induced Adam and Eve to join him in his rebellion against God. God did not at once destroy Lucifer because the Holy angels would not have understood why, and then would have served God from fear. Since love is the foundation of God's government, Satan must have ample time to let his wicked character be exposed to the universe, which reached it's cruel climax as the devil influenced his agents, both human and demonic, to crucify the Son of God on the Roman instrument of supreme torture–the cross.
“The discord which his own course had caused in heaven, Satan charged upon the government of God. All evil he declared to be the result of the divine administration. He claimed that it was his own object to improve upon the statutes of Jehovah. Therefore God permitted him to demonstrate the nature of his claims, to show the working out of his proposed changes in the divine law. His own work must condemn him. Satan had claimed from the first that he was not in rebellion. The whole universe must see the deceiver unmasked.”
“Even when he was cast out of heaven, Infinite Wisdom did not destroy Satan. Since only the service of love can be acceptable to God, the allegiance of His creatures must rest upon a conviction of His justice and benevolence. The inhabitants of heaven and of the worlds, being unprepared to comprehend the nature or consequences of sin, could not then have seen the justice of God in the destruction of Satan. Had he been immediately blotted out of existence, some would have served God from fear rather than from love. The influence of the deceiver would not have been fully destroyed, nor would the spirit of rebellion have been utterly eradicated. For the good of the entire universe through ceaseless ages, he must more fully develop his principles, that his charges against the divine government might be seen in their true light by all created beings, and that the justice and mercy of God and the immutability of His law might be forever placed beyond all question”.
“Satan's rebellion was to be a lesson to the universe through all coming ages–a perpetual testimony to the nature of sin and its terrible results. The working out of Satan's rule, its effects upon both men and angels, would show what must be the fruit of setting aside the divine authority. It would testify that with the existence of God's government is bound up the well-being of all the creatures He has made. Thus the history of this terrible experiment of rebellion was to be a perpetual safeguard to all holy beings, to prevent them from being deceived as to the nature of transgression, to save them from committing sin, and suffering its penalty.”
“He that ruleth in the heavens is the one who sees the end from the beginning–the one before whom the mysteries of the past and the future are alike outspread, and who, beyond the woe and darkness and ruin that sin has wrought, beholds the accomplishment of His own purposes of love and blessing. Though "clouds and darkness are round about Him: righteousness and judgment are the foundation of His throne." Psalm 97:2, R.V. And this the inhabitants of the universe, both loyal and disloyal, will one day understand. "His work is perfect: for all His ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is He." Deuteronomy 32:4.

We all believe in things that cannot be proven to exist scientifically. We “know”, “believe” that intangibles exist. The only men who do not believe in intangibles are unconscious. But of course, they are dreaming.

The poster who said that "matter" cannot be proven to exist is correct. We live in a universe that cannot be proven to exist. We "believe" mostly, in what is practical or in what gives us the most satisfaction. The concept of "god" is very practical for some and gives them immense satisfaction. The discussion should not be about the objective validity of mysticism or empiricism , but rather about tolerance and respect for the positions of others.

"Intangible" is too va/gue to be useful, here. If something cannot be measured or produce a measurable artifact then it's irrelevant. God cannot be measured nor does he produce any measurable artifacts. He's irrelevant, regardless of whether or not he actually exists. Belief in such a being makes no sense.

Perhaps you would consider "dark matter" to be "intangible," but it causes measurable results and we can rely upon its effects. It's not irrelevant and it's sensible to "believe in" dark matter. "Love" and "joy" and the number "three" are just concepts that help our brains to grapple with complex ideas. They're "intangible," and do not exist, but it makes sense to "believe in" them because of their usefulness in manipulation within our thought processes.

Almost nothing in your post was anything more than opinion. Science has failed to answer a single fundamental metaphysical question. Religion has also failed to answer a single fundamental metaphysical question. The only real difference is in the scope of the question. Religion attempts to answer the" whole ball of wax" and so quickly reaches a dead end. Science breaks up the ball into itty bitty components and so reaches a dead end later. They both reach dead ends.

Your statement that "god" is irrelevant shows immat.urity on your part. "God" clearly works in some peoples lives whether he/it has objective validity or not. Muslim. Hindu. Christian. Sikh. Jew. Buddhist. Creed does not matter. Belief works for some people and enriches their lives. This is undeniable.

And I can't find any relevance in your posts. And yes, EVERYTHING I wrote is backed up by science. Are you lying or just stupid?

God is irrelevant because he doesn't do anything. BELIEF in god (no matter which one) is what does something–so it's the belief and not the god that has an effect. It's the belief, therefore, that matters god is irrelevant precisely BECAUSE of this fact.

If people did not keep track, none of us would even know when we were born, or who our parents were. And to think we can know the age of the earth or fossil bits strewn inside. Radioactive dating is useless beyond 100k years. Fossil records are dated by a chart drawn 250 years ago , and that by a lawyer! I cannot accept the myth of millions of years of any process, especially some Miller-Urey crap soup that boiled life into existence yet did not kill the best of them. Why don't scientists find new life emerging out of landfills and sewage pits? It's because they worship at the church of funding and publication. Parsing muck hardly gets you a book deal or a date nowadays. Lying thieves, they deserve the faith that they have and all of the integrated consequences!

You don't believe the science community even though you can review all the work and verify it yourself if you choose too.

But you are more than willing to accept a book of myths, much of with is filled with immorality, contradictions and absurdities written by men thousands of years ago, many of whom were anonymous with known forgeries and later additions that served political needs, as inspired by god.

Yep, I am glad you are smart enough to be skeptical of that worldwide science conspiracy.

2357, please do the world and all children a huge favor and do not EVER teach anywhere.

If I were to argue against driving cars the way you argued against evolution, I might say something like, "I don't drive cars because it's unethical to make all those tiny leprechauns keep running on those tiny treadmills inside the engine while all they eat is fairy farts and unicorn eyelashes."

For fvcks sake, if you're going to argue against something, at least know a little tiny bit what you're talking about. Otherwise, you just expose your own ignorance and guarantee that nobody who knows the subject will take you seriously at all.

2357, what is sounds like is that you refuse to believe facts that don't lead the the conclusion you want.

Okay, let's think this through.

Niagara Falls is receding (eroding back) a little more than a yard every year. That means that it has taken a little more than 10,000 years to carve its way from where it started (near the shore of Lake Ontario) to where it is now, perhaps considerably less if there was more water flowing over it in the past. Does that mean the world is less than 10,000 years old? Of course not, don't forget the Ice Age that completely changed the landscape.
If you go from Niagara Falls to the shore of Lake Huron, you will be able to examine the badly-weathered remains of an ancient coral reef such as form on ocean floors in the tropics. What is a coral on dry land near salt-free lakes. So much for Noah's Flood.
If you have an opportunity to visit some of the limestone quarries in the area, you will undoubtedly see layer upon layer of sedimentary rock each with fossils of now extinct sea creatures. Where did they originate?

2357, did you fall into a pit of ooze? Where's your response to these posts? Did someone throw a fossil at your head?

Niagra falls – interesting example.
Just like Niagra falls takes a few thousand years to recede through tough rock, it will take logic and reason a few thousand years to cut through to tough nuts, Be patient guys, not their fault. They will take time, but eventually get there.

Do you seriously think evolution has been some philosophical quest or noble inquiry into life's origins? Evolution initially provided explanation and order to the baffling discovery of a myriad coloured races across the ocean. The theory quickly advanced as a moral framework that soothes the conscience of the "rising merchant class", when indigenous people are corralled to slaughter by imperial guards. Evolution also justified the divorce of natives' rights to the minerals under their feet, for after all how can any people claim ownership of something that is millions of years older than the human species? It belongs to mother earth, which means it belongs to the civilized world, not the naked natives.

If you examine the role of science in modern history you'd realize that this "scientific community" has been funded and controlled by mineral, and later petrochemical, speculators to supply the data, technology, media spin, philosophical narrative for global exploration, extraction and exploitation.

Wake up and smell the nitroglycerin. Nobel is your saint because he opened up the gates of the modern inferno that is the subjugation of less-evolved races for mineral conquest. Einstein is your pope because he raised the magnitude of Nobel's inferno to godlike annihilation. Your supposed favorite demon the defense industry, is nothing but a rottweiler at the gates of the Supermajors, whom you all serve. How moralistic are you now?

What kind of drugs are you on? I have to believe that there are several kinds of toxins colliding with your brain cells, or smothering them outright.

2357, I'm not really a fallacy spotter, but your statements aren't even specious. The main thing they suffer from is a genetic fallacy. The source of a fact or true statement has no bearing on its veracity or validity. Your statements also suffer from your lack of understanding of the information you are trying to draw on to support them and of the things you are attacking.

Man 2357 you're the real deal!

Oh, and the underlying narrative that justifies the current genocide of unborn African and Latino Americans? Evolution, which leads to a logic of "Life begins at viable birth, conception is irrelevant" Eugenicist maniacs.

OK I'll do this again. Should we reject facts when they are used to support bad ideas, 2357?

I'm going to go punch a kitten now because you drive me to violence.

ok give me an observed fact about the purely material origin of life.

Try to learn something about science before you try to write to debunk it. There are many kinds of radioactive dating. which you seem to be totally unaware of.

It is easy to figure out, from reading a few lines, when somebody is just repeating something they were told, without any personal knowledge, any research, and any other sources save the one that 'told' them.

You shouldn't get your science knowledge from a person with a religious degree. He doesn't have the background or education to explain it to you. He often doesn't know it himself, because he never studied it.

2357, your posts are beyond laughable. There's no way to respond to them because it would be like talking to a turd.

Everyone knows you can't polish a turd, and they don't roll uphill, either.

I'm not trying to debunk anything. I'm just admitting that I smell bull every time someone claims that anything is "millions of years old", especially based on measuring something as volatile as radioactive isotopes. Even one million years is, for practical reasons, simply not a useful measure of time for anybody except self-authorizing theorists. You might find it marvelous and enchanting. I find it irritably similar to the unit "Gazillion" The stuff in the T-Rex bone discovered by Mary H. Schweitzer? I pretty much believe it was soft tissue.

No one but a teenager says "gazillion", you lying pos.

I'm not smart. My life is living proof. But I'm not lying when I confess by utter inability to trust in million year claims. Million dollars I can completely grasp. Millions of cells, a billion Chinese, trillions of grains of sand etc I have no problems with. A million years? My knee jerk reaction is "how in the world do you know that, and how can I check to see that you're not off by two hundred thousand years" If you say a bone is 67 million years old, and the meat inside is miraculously preserved? I put that claim on the shelf right up there with Madonna toasts and Jesus stains.

I reiterate, since you're not smart: you're an idiot.

Read something, you doofus. You're an embarrassment to humanity.

You're a smart girl. but you're fat.

I can diet, but you'll still be brain-dead.

smart enough to laugh at you from afar

Dumb enough to think anyone cares.

How can someone who earns enough money to buy a computer and a pot to p!ss in not know any more about archaeology than you do, twit?

Why don't you carbon date me. About the only kind of date you'll ever get.

I'm married. I don't need to date "The Fly."

You found a man who loves you back, and got married? In a church? With clergy administering a VOW?

Nah, I bet you mutilated the rites until it was just secular and mystical enough to satisfy your self-righteous egotism and at the same time retain some semblance of humanistic, sanctimonious romanticism. Lemme guess, raised catholic but fell away?

No rhetoric coming from you will dissuade me of the sheer madness in your life. Good luck holding it all together Tom, luck it's all you've got.

Nope, not Catholic. Married in church with a traditional ceremony. Still happily married after 32 years.

Kinda blows your entire post all to hell, doesn't it?

If you see the Buddha on the road, kill him.

In God we trust. All others pay cash.

Just glad to find out you are a man of faith, Tommy

Sad for you,dear. Not a man. No faith in anything but the here and now.

Try not to take it seriously, honey. It's a slogan.

Since the universe never really "exists' but, is always being created by vacuum fluctuations on quantum level, and since it is either infinite and thus utterly illogical or finite, created ex nihilo, and thus utterly illogical, I suggest a propostion: Its creator is illogical does not "exist" either and is god.

Maybe, I didn't really follow you. It's certainly irrelevant if god exists, if that's what you're getting at. Believing in no particular god gets you anything particular.

By your logic, it is irrelevant whether the universe exits.

Of course it matters. It matters to you, doesn't it? Think on human time scales, not universal ones. What business of it of your what the universe does or doesn't do, it produced you and your values. Cool.

My values do not exist and my consciousness does not exist. They cannot be scientifically proven to exist in obective fact.

"My values do not exist and my consciousness does not exist. They cannot be scientifically proven to exist in obective fact."

If we were only so lucky for this to be true.

"I" don't exist either. I am constantly being created, but never really really "exist".

You can deny your own senses if you wish, but that seems dumb.

Prove that "values" and consciousness exist.

What my senses perceive is determined by my consciousness which cannot be proven to exist. You do not believe in things that cannot be proven to exist do you?

I for one can only wish you didn't exist. You add so little value.

Value does not exist, of course. Except in your conscious mind that does not exist because it cannot be proven objectively.

I this case I am a solipist, only I can be proven to exist, which I can't prove to you because you are just a figment of my imagination.

You guys are a bunch of Mystics, because you believe in things that cannot be proven to exist.

George Berkeley. One of the three great English empiricists along with Locke and Hume.

Are you seriously comparing yourself to Berkeley? Hume?

Oh great, now my imagination has added more fictional individuals to my consciousness.

The "process philosophers" insist that the process exists.

It's practical to believe that you exist because you cannot deny your own thought process. The "I" thinks and evaluates. If you choose to deny that you exist because you don't think you can be objectively proven to exist, you're still the one do the thinking and choosing–so you're (your thought process) is still in the picture.

God and fairies and unicorns can't be proven to exist, AND there's no practical reason to believe that they do. Reality doesn't force them upon you. Not so with your own mind and that which physically and practically forces itself upon your mind. You can't prove that your car exists, but it's practical to believe it does and use it, and also it would force its existence upon you if you stood in the middle of a freeway. None of those same attributes can be applied to your god, AND belief doesn't "get you anywhere" as in there's no practical effect to believing in a particular god.

Esoterics aside, I know I exist because I have to go to work to keep a roof over my head. If I don't exist, I wish someone would tell me, because I'd rather just sleep in on Monday morning.

Atheism is myth understood. Deities and demons are pretend.

I am so happy that I left all this garbage behind when I left the Catholic church 30 years ago. Did you even see how this so called religious man first, uses this forum to try to sell us his new book, and then proceeds to dance around the question.?Finally he tells us that we cannot comprehend why this happened because on a cosmic scale we possess the brains of children and therefore can't understand what he can't explain. Same old BS just somebody different doing the shoveling!

This article is nothing but gibberish.

All those words used to try and explain fate when one word would have been perfect: fate.

This is why Christianity is being seen more and more as pure nonsense.

Where can I get a job writing gibberish for CNN?

Fate is gibberish in most academic circles. Certainly any scientific ones. And contrary to your hopeful belief, Christianity is actually a growing faith worldwide with minds like Keller's and better ones emerging from it. I see you don't try to address his argument, and just the man and his writing. Not much of a point you're making for someone who condemns gibberish.

LOL, I think that GayAtheist was merely pointing out that the bulk of the article was superfluous because it could have been replaced with one word "fate." Your derision of the idea of "fate," then, is leveled at the author and this piece.

By the way, in developed countries, Christianity is certainly on the decline. In the US, the percentage of self-identifying christians has dropped by ten percent–from 86 to 76 in the bast two decades. The more impoverished and underdeveloped, the more religious and the more fanatically so. Education and prosperity seem to decrease the level of superst.ition/fanaticism.

GayAtheist is clealy a determinist. He believes he was destined to be gay and disbelieve in god. I think he may be a robot.

Hambone, you don't "think" at all.

You must be referencing another post by GayAtheist? Certainly not this one.

We know people with both male and female s.e.x organs are born into this world, so according to your dogma god made them that way. Would it then be far fetched to think males could be born to be attracted to other males and not females and god made them that way too. If that is the case then either god made them gay but expects them not to act on the nature he gave them, which would be cruel. Or god made them that way but what Christians and Muslims think god allows and does not allow as moral is completely wrong. Or there is a third option, the god of Abraham does not exist and this is all garbage. I am of the last opinion.

Hamhanded, have you ever read the book "Middles3x" by Jeffrey Eugenides? You should. It's very moving and might give you some insight as to the nature of s3xuality. It's not as cut-and-dried as your mom and dad or your minister told you.

It's hilarious logic to think god gets all worked up over human s3xuality when he supposedly made all these other species to have every sort of s3xual arraignment you could imagine–animals who can change gender, animals with hundreds of partners, animals who immediately eat their mates, animals who have both genders and mate in multiple ways–but you know he's just horrified by two human dudes getting together.

What is a gay atheist doing on a religious page anyway? are you here to HATE?

Why shouldn't a gay atheist comment on these boards? Especially if he feels hate from the religious for his natural urges? Did you decide to be straight? No. Did you decide to believe in god? No. So why do you feel the way you do about what someone else didn't decide just like you didn't decide?

If this statement is accurate anyone who claims to know anything about what god thinks is a liar.
But the same Word of God that says
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” , says also

"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he will instruct him,? But we, who are His, HAVE THE MIND OF CHRIST"
You stumble in your blindness because you do not have the mind of Christ, neither do you know Him!
How then could you understand the things of God? They are foolishness to you.

The above post was meant for "no truth"

(CNN"s blog scan be a real nuisance)

Sure, blame CNN for your incompetence.

Oh, so YOU have the mind of Christ but any one who questions or criticizes Christion teaching can't know.

Oh, come on, now. You think Prissy has a MIND? It doesn't even have two brain cells to rub together.

That is why cult logic works.

The Creator provided us with a body and a brain. If we take care of our body we will live to three score plus ten. Our brain provides us with the power to reason and with the power to pursue happiness. What more can we expect? Yet here we have masses of people every day beseeching the Creator for more. How much more do you think you deserve? Then after we expire we want more? If He wanted to give us more He could have created us to live four score and ten. Are you questioning His wisdom? His generosity?

Contempories of Jesus would have loved to live in the United States of the 21st Century. The most visionary among them could not have imagined the cornucopia of delights that we take for grante

The entire human experience points to a universe that does not care one whit about our existence or our pleasures or suffering.

And yet we experience them both exponentially and they are the things that define us and our lives? You really don't make sense. Even the human experience–complex life, consciousness–defies the idea of entropy and purposelessness. @ First Response

No, consciousness does not defy "the idea of entropy" nor does it defy entropy. The universe is spectacular, certainly, but in all its splendor it does not care about us, or life, or beauty. We care, and that must be enough for us.

Can consiousness be proven scientifically to exist?

I'm not sure, but I don't think so. I think that the current idea is that consciousness is an illusion created by the mind for the purpose of preservation. Consciousness is very good with elevating the ego which protects the body.

Well, at least it is comforting to know that neither I, nor God exist.

You do exist, it just doesn't matter that you do–on the grand scope of the universe. But you do matter here and now in many wonderful ways. God might exist and he might not, but like your existence, it's irrelevant.

What's relevant–is practice. This life is a lot of luck and a lot of work, and you need some faith here and there, but if there is a god, then he doesn't mind all the confusion over his will since he didn't make it as clear and emergent as say-math or the periodic table. you get the idea.

My name is Boffer Bings. The Death of God has been met with sadness by some. It kindles in me the spirit of opportunity. God and the associated baggage of his “moral order” were impediments to progress. Nowhere is this more evident than in the sphere of commerce. Some years ago, I developed a most useful medicine. Taken internally it is a cure for disorders of all kinds and acts as a general tonic. Applied topically, it is a remedy for gout and psoriasis and posses an SPF of 15. The precise recipe is, of course, a trade secret and is protected under US Patent. While God lived, the oppressive machinery of society stood in the way of the production and release of my curative. The Death of God, I hope, will occasion its availability on the free market.

Oil of Man really is one of the most useful medicines ever discovered. Its availability has been somewhat limited by the natural reticence of society to make the ultimate sacrifice for the afflicted. During research and development for Oil of Man, I was, in fact, forced to requisition unwilling donations of certain vital ingredients for my vats. The destruction of the logically inconsistent but simple moral system of the theists will, I hope, increase availability of the necessary raw material. I tire of having to spirit shrouded “donors” through the rear door of my oilery. A godless society is perfect for the production of Oil of Man. The attempts of the Godless to construct a logically consistent system of ethics sans theos are easily discarded by the pragmatic and enterprising among us. Empathy is nothing more than an vestige of genetics. Some free thinking rural physicians in my area have been utilizing my tonic for years--sending patients to me, (the only dispensing pharmacy), with a prescription they are pleased to designate as __ol. hom.__

Thank heavens for the progress of free thought. The elimination of society’s detritus (unwanted children, the elderly, the poor, opposing political parties, etc.) and their incorporation into Oil of Man will be of great general weal to humankind as it hurdles into a future free of outmoded concepts like absolute good and evil.

man yaw go in. i like. wish i could read it all but way to much good job

I think you should have left this one for Moby Schtick to reply for himself, you sound really ignorant trying to sound intelligent when you sound dumb!

24 And God went on to say: “Let the earth put forth living souls according to their kinds, domestic animal and moving animal and wild beast of the earth according to its kind.” And it came to be so. 25 And God proceeded to make the wild beast of the earth according to its kind and the domestic animal according to its kind and every moving animal of the ground according to its kind. And God got to see that [it was] good.

When you observe the world around you, is that not the case, all animals reproduce animals according to it's kind. Scientific fact!

You do not need a scientist or a scholar to interpret that verse for you, do you? It is self explanatory, it "INTERPRET" itself.

Interpret: 1 explain the meaning of (information, words, or actions)

Here is another one so you can understand it better.

Genesis 2:7
7 And Jehovah God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul.

Are you telling me you don"t understand what the Bible is saying, you need a translator, an interpreter or let me guess, a scientist?

Well, Let me give you scientific fact: All the elements found in the earth/"dust", are found in the human body. I wonder why? Care to explain?

Can you read Hebrew by chance or do you rely on a translated version? Do you read or does the bible speak to you? Do your ears hear or does it magically just enter your brain? These are all methods of interpretation.

I wonder what value you think I would find in "trying to sound intelligent'? Is it that you think the standard is so high on this forum that I might take some pride in being smarter than other people? I assure you, there's no pride to be had in the level of discourse found here. If it were not for a sense of moral obligation I feel to at least try to weed out ignorance in its many forms, I wouldn't waste my time.

Also, you do realize there is a "Reply" button next to the "Report Abuse" button at the bottom of your comment when you start a new thread right? You don't need to keep making new threads to discuss the same topics. It helps keep the interwebs neat and free of clutter.

If the bible is taken completely at what it says, and I agree it should, it is one of the most immoral books ever written and your god is a monster.

Are we made up of some of the elements that have only been created in a lab? And while it is true that we are made up of some elements that are in the earth, a random pinch of dust is unlikely to contain all the elements that exsist.

It is foolish to meddle in essentially private disputes, but I will be foolish and throw in my two cents worth.

First, as regards translations of the Bible, every English translation is slanted to a particular point of view. John Steinbeck's "East of Eden" is about a Chinese scholar's effort to understand the story of Cain and Abel, and in particular Genesis 4:7, in which God speaks to Cain immediately before Cain kills Abel. Of particular interest is the Hebrew word "timshel," which is inevitably translated "do thou" (or "you must," in the modern vernacular) or "thou shalt," but is correctly translated "thou mayest." As the Chinese scholar explains. "Now, there are many millions in their sects and churches who feel the order,'Do thou,' and throw their weight into obedience. And there are millions more who feel predestination in 'Thou shalt.' Nothing they may do can interfere with what will be. But 'Thou mayest'! Why, that makes a man great, that gives him stature with the gods, for in his weakness and his filth and his murder of his brother he has still the great choice. He can choose his course and fight it through and win."

As regards the elements fond in the human body, according to scientific theory, humans are formed from the same star dust as our entire solar system. For example, comparing the composition of the human body and the tail of Halley's comet, the following correlation in the proportions of atoms was found:
Atomic Percentage. Carbon. Hydrogen. Oxygen. Nitrogen. Total
In humans. 9.5. 63. 26. 1. 99.5
In Halley's Comet. 11.0. 55. 28. 2. 96.0

Oh, I should add that some of the elements in Halley's comet had undergone reactions, becoming the possible precursors of proteins which are the precursors of genetic materials.

That verse will do quit nicely, Gabriel.

There is no such thing as "breath of life," is there? "Breath" is simply the effects of an ongoing process it doesn't exist in the same way that a smell does, right? "Breath" doesn't float around waiting for a chance to get sucked in by someone's lungs. So what does the verse mean? It can be interpreted in a variety of ways, and I've heard at least three from the pulpit from ministers who all claimed to be using the perfect holy spirit in their interpretive work.

There's no such thing as "breath of life," either. So what do we make of that statement? There's no "soul" either, so what do we make of that? The person interpreting MUST decide right then and there if he is going to believe in an invisible body part before deciding how to even begin interpreting the meaning of the verse.

Thinking individuals (believers, ministers, atheists, agnostics) all rightly conclude that EVERY biblical passage requires interpretive work. Why can't you think critically enough to see what careful readers must do with the bible?

Isaiah 55: 8-11, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

And this is supposed to prove what, Henry? That it rains and snows? That man developed crops?

There's not a thing there that wasn't written by a man. Not a god. Just a man like any other.

If god's thoughts are not our thoughts then why does he bother with communication? How can god be so good at communicating gravity, math, and chemistry, and so bad at communicating his will? And why would he choose to make math and chemistry so obvious that you MUST use it correctly to get results, but does not do so when it comes to his nature? What a fvcking stupid god.

Gabriel Malakh
To GodFreeNow

I think you should have left this one for Moby Schtick to reply for himself, you sound really ignorant trying to sound intelligent when you sound dumb!

Isaiah 55: 8-11, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.

If this statement is accurate anyone who claims to know anything about what god thinks is a liar.

The above post was meant for "no truth"

@Arvoasitis, I'm usually critical, and you probably don't care, but. good post. Thanks.

Thanks for the kind words.

I think it's funny that people say that the bible has horrible morals – Would you want a white washed, everyone is perfect book to base your life on, and then just notice how your life never matches up?

Since the claim is god inspired the bible, yes I would. Either god has terrible morals or the claim that god inspired it is false.

Where is my duplicate comment, are you anti-Christian? If so, be a man and stand for your beliefs, and let others do the same!

Let me refute your so called scientific fact. there are 60 elements found in the human body. Some in minute trace amounts. Some only there because of our current environment.

there are 118 elements. So youre 58 elements short of 'all the elements in the dust' found in the human body.

So that is your most intelligent response? It is atheist like yourself that give other atheist who use real logic and intelligent argument to support their belief. It's best you and GodFreeNow sit this one out.

I believe that Moby Schtick is a big boy who can handle this own his own. At least he explained where he's coming from and how he got to the belief he's at now. But you guys! It's best I keep my thoughts to myself.

Its funny that you get all bent out of shape about this comment considering it wasn't even directed at you. It was directed at Tony and I put it in the wrong place.

"You make far too many a s sumptions. Firstly, I investigated the bible as a very strong believer for decades upon decades. It was my research INTO the words of the bible that led me to discard my faith and the text as a source of spiritual truth. Secondly, a person could base his sense of purpose on one of thousands of interpretations of various bible verses and have a completely different "answer" than the one YOU or other bible believers think he should have–so the bible does NOT set all truth seekers onto a reliable, proven purpose at all. Far from it.

The bible allows people to do whatever they want to do however they want to do it and claim that god is on their side. It's what every believer does, and it's what you're doing right now. It's one of the reasons we know the bible isn't true–so many people can use it for their own purposes and find a way to disagree with any one else who is also using the bible for their own purposes. Interpretation's a beeyatch, isn't it?"

I totally understand where you're coming from. If I may ask, which Bible version did you study out of and what faith were you associated with? The reason I ask, is because I meet many individual like yourself who expressed the same thing. And I've come to realize, in which many of them agree with me, when they see the hypocrisy of those who are suppose to teach and live by the Bible, living a lifestyle that contradicts the Bible and using the Bible to oppress and take advantage of people, it turns them off, and take their disgust out on the Bible.

You made the statement, "a person could base his sense of purpose on one of thousands of interpretations of various bible verses and have a completely different "answer" than the one YOU or other bible believers think he should have–so the bible does NOT set all truth seekers onto a reliable, proven purpose at all"

Not true! The Bible interprets itself clearly. Many people don't read or research the Bible to come to and understanding of it, they just follow their religious leaders. Some choose to be ignorant of whats in the Bible so they can live their life as they please. They commit all sought of sin during the week, then come Sunday or Saturday, they go to church thinking God will accept their worship. But they are just fooling themselves.

You made the statement that, "The bible allows people to do whatever they want to do however they want to do it and claim that god is on their side."

That is not a true statement. The Bible don't allow people to do as they please, then why did God give laws, and destroyed nations who disobeyed or who was in opposition to his will and purpose? God gives man free will, he's not going to force you to love and believe in him. Yes many do as they please and think or say that God is on their side, does not make it so. They will be destroyed as well.

2 Peter 2:1-3
1 However, there also came to be false prophets among the people, as there will also be false teachers among YOU. These very ones will quietly bring in destructive sects and will disown even the owner that bought them, bringing speedy destruction upon themselves. 2 Furthermore, many will follow their acts of loose conduct, and on account of these the way of the truth will be spoken of abusively. 3 Also, with covetousness they will exploit YOU with counterfeit words. But as for them, the judgment from of old is not moving slowly, and the destruction of them is not slumbering.

There are falls and pagan teachings like the Trinity Doctrine, Hell Fire, and the like, that cause people to turn away from believing the in the Bible. The Bible clearly disprove these doctrines, but again, many reject the Bible for their selfish longing, wanting to live their lives how they please, but that does not make the Bible false. Based on my examination of the world and society, science and Bible Prophecy, my faith in the Bible is unbreakable! I am not hear to force anyone to believe in the Bible, because if God want's you to believe, there is nothing anyone can do to stop him from making that happen. But he's not going to force you to, Jesus didn't force anyone to follow him when he was on the earth. So who am I to force my belief on anyone. But I will defend Jehovah God and his word the Bible, I do represent him you know, and it is an honor to do so, and I love doing it.

Oh, and another thing, according to the Bible, Jesus is NOT God The Almighty, Jehovah of Armies. Jesus is the son of God, created by God, whereas God has no creator or beginning.

Proverbs 8:22-31
22 “Jehovah himself produced me as the beginning of his way, the earliest of his achievements of long ago. 23 From time indefinite I was installed, from the start, from times earlier than the earth. 24 When there were no watery deeps I was brought forth as with labor pains, when there were no springs heavily charged with water. 25 Before the mountains themselves had been settled down, ahead of the hills, I was brought forth as with labor pains, 26 when as yet he had not made the earth and the open spaces and the first part of the dust masses of the productive land. 27 When he prepared the heavens I was there when he decreed a circle upon the face of the watery deep, 28 when he made firm the cloud masses above, when he caused the fountains of the watery deep to be strong, 29 when he set for the sea his decree that the waters themselves should not pass beyond his order, when he decreed the foundations of the earth, 30 then I came to be beside him as a master worker, and I came to be the one he was specially fond of day by day, I being glad before him all the time, 31 being glad at the productive land of his earth, and the things I was fond of were with the sons of men.

Colossians 1:15,16
15 He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation 16 because by means of him all [other] things were created in the heavens and upon the earth, the things visible and the things invisible, no matter whether they are thrones or lordships or governments or authorities. All [other] things have been created through him and for him.

@Moby Schtick, I'm sorry you'll have to sift through this post.

I'll take one easy one for you.

@Gabriel, please stop personifying inanimate objects and concepts. The bible cannot interpret itself. Put it in a room alone with itself and it will come to exactly the same conclusions it came to before you put it in there. that is. none. It's a book. It doesn't have a brain or a soul or any other method of interpreting itself.

If the bible could interpret itself, there'd be no need for all of the human translators. It does bring up a great point though, an all powerful god creates an ever changing universe and he can't write a book that self-updates? Humans are already on that one with technology.

Ah yes, intepretation. that which has allowed believers to cut and paste their own personal deity. 'I don't like this or that so my deity doesn't like this or that either.' I don't think I've seen two believers agree on what their deity does/doesn't want.

I used about forty different translations or so, but I worked most closely with about eleven translations considered by scholars to be the most accurate translations. If we had any doubt at all, we would research the greek or hebrew, but that extra effort only brought new meaning a handful of times.

LOL, no, the bible does NOT interpret itself. it's a work of writing–words–symbols. As with any piece of writing, Words are little black squiggles on white, so a reader MUST interpret those. The most accurate interpretation takes into account the culture in which it was written and the common usage of the specific terms used therefore, a large portion of interpretive work must include research into the culture of the period.

Yes, the bible allows for people to interpret it in any way that they choose, as is evidenced by the sheer number of weird cults with all sorts of wacky beliefs who use the bible as their "spiritual foundation." It's not like math or chemistry, where a particular answer can be "proven" right or wrong. Look up how mathematics uses "Proofs," and it will become abundantly clear that no literature in existence can operate in such a way. Writing can be interpreted, which means it does not offer a verifiable method to "proof" a particular a/ssumption.

God's "laws" haven't yet stopped anyone from using the bible to mean anything that they want it to mean. Those laws are pretty weak, huh? Why are god's laws so ineffective that any n/u/tjob around can put forth a false doctrine by interpretation of passages o scripture?

Quite right, Damocles. The god ones worship is merely an amalgam of his ideas of what his deity should do. A believer never disagrees with his god on the issues he finds most important.

To Moby Schtick Damocles GodFreeNow

God did communicate his will via the Bible. It's up to man to accept it or not, atheist and many in Christendom and other religion choose to reject it, and that's your free will to "temporarily" enjoy.

As for reading Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek to get the sense of what was written in the original tongue, yes I do. I study the Bible daily, it's a command from God to do so, and teach it for free to those who are interested in learning what God's will and purpose is for mankind. One thing I always stress to my students, "please do your own research to see if what the Bible is saying is true when it comes to the world we live in and how it functions, when it comes to Bible prophecy, and science.

As for interpretations of the Bible, you (Moby Schtick) made this statement which I agree with:

"The most accurate interpretation takes into account the culture in which it was written and the common usage of the specific terms used therefore, a large portion of interpretive work must include research into the culture of the period."

For example. Salt is used in a number of scriptural illustrations, for it was a well known commodity in Bible times. There are three qualities associated with salt, it preserves and purifies, and it's used for seasoning food. Just to focus on one of these qualities, in 2 Chronicles 13:5 we read:

5 Is it not for YOU to know that Jehovah the God of Israel himself gave a kingdom to David over Israel to time indefinite, to him and to his sons, by a covenant of salt?

Now a person would read that and say, "what in the world is God saying, 'a covenant of salt?'" Now just cause the reader don't know why the word "salt" is used, does not give the person the right to come up with there own interpretation. They would have to do some research on the culture of those involved in the covenant with God to understand why "salt" was used. The fishermen disciples of Jesus knew that fish they had caught were soon spoilt unless they were quickly salted. It became a symbol of endurance and true value, especially as salt is virtually "indestructible". So when a covenant was made between peoples, and was intended to last indefinitely, it was called a 'covenant of salt'.

Another one that you (Moby Schtick), mentioned was that of the "soul" & the breath of life. You stated:

"There's no such thing as "breath of life," either. So what do we make of that statement? There's no "soul" either, so what do we make of that? The person interpreting MUST decide right then and there if he is going to believe in an invisible body part before deciding how to even begin interpreting the meaning of the verse."

Genesis 2:7
7 And Jehovah God proceeded to form the man out of dust from the ground and to blow into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man came to be a living soul.

What is there to be confused about? The man is the "soul", the soul is not separate from the body. Man, animals or living souls. The teaching of the soul being separate from the Bible is a pagan teaching originated in Babylon.

Genesis 1:20,21
20 And God went on to say: “Let the waters swarm forth a swarm of living souls and let flying creatures fly over the earth upon the face of the expanse of the heavens.” 21 And God proceeded to create the great sea monsters and every living soul that moves about, which the waters swarmed forth according to their kinds, and every winged flying creature according to its kind.

The "breath of life" you say does not exist. So please tell me, why do we imitate God, when a person past out and stop breathing, we blow the "breath of life" into to their mouth?

You also claim God to be stupid, when you're the one who don't even know where you came from.

Psalm 92:5,6
5 How great your works are, O Jehovah!
Very deep your thoughts are.

6 No unreasoning man himself can know [them],
And no one stupid can understand this.

I never said that the soul was separate from the body. In fact, I called it an invisible "body part." If you really want to equate the soul and the body, then when the body dies, so does the soul, and there is no heaven or hell. Are you sure you want to do that?

The "breath of life" does not exist in the way that Genesis implies. Again, if you want to equate CPR to god's act of "blowing the breath of life" into the first man and starting an entire race of mammals, be my guest, but your god is looking less and less special.

I know the general processes that caused me to exist, but no, I do not know everything about "where I came from." I'm not going to lie, like you do, and claim to know where I came from by believing a stupid book of fairy tales. I find such behavior to be extremely childish.

The only thing going for your interpretation of reality is your own feelings. Feelings are a horrible indicator of truth. When you have something quantifiable to measure that we can use for predictive verifications, let me know.

@Gabriel Malakh, You certainly seem well immersed in doctrine. As someone who has been there, I feel nothing but sympathy for your position.

When you see the world around you, you see it with the filter of your experiences. Your experiences are unique to you, so therefore your interpretations of the world around you are unique. This goes for the men who wrote the bible as well. I'm sure you would admit that each author expresses his individual personality. This is not the voice of god. This is the interpretation of man. Buddha famously said, "The finger pointing at the moon is not the moon." Sadly, this is a common failing in man to see the finger and miss the moon. In your case, you are looking at 2k+ year-old fingers and taking solace in your vast understanding of "fingers." How can I feel anything but love and sympathy for you and the time spent and suffering endured you must have experienced to arrive at your position. It reminds me of the intractable blindness of a person battling a great storm, unsure of which direction to go but continues to fight by putting one foot in front of the other. So I wish you much luck and hope for you to experience peace and clarity whenever possible.

As to where I came from, I actually do know on a physical, emotional, and psychological level.
Physically, I was the combination of my father's sperm and my mother's egg. I'm the fruit of the "tree of human". Some of those parts existed in some form in my ancestors, such as the egg of my mother which was present with her while she was in the womb of her mother. My molecular components come from the universe around me, and am truly made up of "star stuff". All of this I can docu.ment and show various levels of verifiable evidence to support. Incidentally, I find this story far more magnificent and satisfying than "I was god's art experiment, molded out of clay and air magically was puffed into my lungs. voila. I'm a human."

Emotionally and psychologically, "I" come from my various experiences and interpretations of those experiences.
I am, essentially, the sum of my parts.

A Glorious Craft Lager Revival Is Upon Us

A beer is either a lager or an ale. Some 90% of beers sold in America are lagers. Yet, around 90% of craft beers sold are ales. While the masses have long-preferred the taste of flavorless "lite" lagers, beer geeks have long gone for the more complex flavors typically found in ales. But, all of a sudden I'm craving lagers. Begging New England friends to procure bottles for me. Recently, en route to Boston, I even took a detour to Framingham so I could purchase my first career growler of lager. My newfound behavior is thanks to Jack's Abby Brewing and their iconoclastic takes on an oft-misunderstood style.

Lagers dominate the marketplace in most of the world. If you can easily name a beer from a country, it will surely be a lager. Corona in Mexico, Foster's in Australia, Heineken in The Netherlands, Stella, Tsingtao, Red Stripe, Peroni, Beck's. and, of course, Bud, Miller, and Coors. The world's ten best-selling beers are lagers and all taste virtually the same. They don't need to.

Lagers only differ from ales in that bottom-fermenting yeast is used, they are fermented cold, and necessitate a longer brew cycle (lager is the German word for storage). But "lager" encompasses far more styles than you think, running the gamut from helles and pilsners on the lighter end up to schwarzbier and marzens (Oktoberfests) then onto Baltic porters, dopplebocks, and eisbocks on the more alcoholic end of the spectrum.

Yet, somehow, "lager" has become synonymous with that fizzy yellow pisswater your white trash uncle drinks in bulk. That is what has so sullied the lager's reputation amongst craft beer geeks and, according to a recent Stanford study, even caused us to see lager-drinkers as "beginners."

When craft breweries first began popping up, they clearly wanted to differentiate themselves from the adjunct swill the factory breweries were pumping out, and the easiest way to do that was by focusing on ales. Many craft breweries even include "ale" in their brand name (AleSmith Brewing, Rogue Ales, and Williamsburg AleWerks to name a few), as if to bluntly state: "We don't make any lagers." Jack's Abby is the complete opposite. They only make lagers (motto: "Drink Local. Drink Lager."), and they'll make you completely change your opinion on what lagers can be.

Traditionally lagers have been mostly a Czech and German style, but owner/brewmaster Jack Hendler adds a uniquely American twist to his beers, often in the form of an intense hop profile. One of his year-round flagships, Hoponius Union, is an Imperial Pale Lager, the lager version of an IPA if you will. Jack loves using clean and crisp lager yeast, feeling it allows key ingredients to be highlighted in ways ales fermentation simply doesn't.

It's hard to dispute his point once you've tasted Hoponius or their 2nd Anniversary IPL Mass Rising, one of the best beers I've drank in 2013. Meanwhile, their Saxonator is a dopplebock that rivals anything Germany has to offer, edging into a complex maltiness that reminds me more of the great Belgian quadruples. And, their extensive line of rauchbiers are some of the smokiest, meatiest beers this side of the Atlantic, from Smoke & Dagger to Fire in the Ham up to the sichuan-pepper infused Numb Swagger. These ain't your daddy's lagers. and they aren't your Reinheitsgebot-following German cousin's either.

When Jack's Abby opened in 2011, they had planned to differentiate themselves from the thousands of other American craft breweries by focusing on lagers, but "Once we realized the success we could have being creative with our process, we stuck to only brewing lagers." That's not easy, as some serious economic challenges come with the process. These lagers need a minimum of a month to brew for the low-ABV Jabby Brau, while more alcoholic offerings take even longer. Jack's Abby could easily double overall beer production simply by switching to ales, but notes Jack, "In the end we've staked our reputation and business on quality, and we truly feel our lagers are the best beers to stand behind."

In a way, Jack has had to stand behind his beers by increasing customer awareness of lagers. It's not uncommon for visitors to the brewery to proclaim they hate lagers. Luckily, it doesn't take a lengthy conversation with Jack to change people's opinion. it only takes a few sips.

Beer geeks have immediately responded to Jack's Abby's typical and atypical offerings. Three of their beers are now three of only six total lagers on Beer Advocate's Top 250 beers in the world list. (The others: legendary German dopplebocks Andescher and Ayinger Celebrator as well as The Bruery's own IPL Humulus Lager.)

Does Jack's Abby's meteoric rise foresee the start of a craft lager revival in America? I'd love to predict that, but there's still a long way to go. As far as I can tell, aside from Jack's Abby there are only three other "all-lager" breweries in America: Trapp Lager Brewery in Vermont, Bayern Brewing in Missoula, Montana, and the Moerlein Lager House in Cincinnati.

It's odd to think that two of the three craft beers that once revived America's brewing fortunes were actually lagers: Anchor Steam Beer, the most uniquely American style there is, and of course, Samuel Adams Boston Lager (Sierra Nevada Pale Ale would obviously be the other). Still, if there's a craft lager revival in America over the next decade, people might one day look to Hoponius Union or Mass Rising or perhaps another Jack's Abby lager as the bellwether. Then again, I'm not sure Jack Hendler will actually care.

When lager-haters come into his brewery, drink his Imperial Pale Lagers and note, "Wow, this tastes nothing like a lager!" Jack feels they've missed the point.

"A beer like Hoponius Union tastes like hops," he says. "In the end, the argument over ale or lager is beside the point. Just drink the beer that tastes best."

Most spirits are vegan-friendly

When only the hard stuff will do, luckily most spirits do not require fining and so, they are vegan-friendly.

As we mentioned before, a few products do slip the odd animal ingredient in (some tequila brands use worms or scorpions), but these are usually obvious from the name, look out for beverages with names such as Arran Gold Cream Liqueur or Black Fox Honey Ginger Liqueur. If in doubt, check the Barnivore website, before downing.

Watch the video: Funny Bud Light Commercial Compilation!